With voting day right around the corner, my mailbox has been absolutely flooded with fliers from both parties telling me why the other sucks. For the past two weeks, I’m getting no fewer than 8 of these things in my mailbox each day and sometimes on my door. It’s gotten to the point where I’ve pretty much decided to vote libertarian across the board because that seems to be the only party that is not sending me massive amounts of junk mail. That works out pretty good, because I pretty much hate the way the party system is now in the States anyway.

One thing that’s really annoyed me, though, is the “Vote No On Question A” bullshit that’s been coming in my mail. For those that don’t live in Maryland, they are planning to put slots throughout the state, and one of the locations happens to be near a mall, so there’s been this HUGE push to not allow it. What annoys me about these ads is they keep stressing that they don’t want the slots in “a family friendly” mall. Well, jackasses, for one, it’s not in the mall. And secondly — and more importantly — Arundel Mills Mall is far from family friendly. Anyone who ever goes to it will tell you that.

However, my opinion on the Question A dramatically changed when I got this flier:

Now wait a minute! Apparently, Question A hasn’t been about slots at all. It looks as if voting no on Question A will keep crying kids out of the mall, so then all I have to worry about is muggings. Sweet!

Yeah, I’m totally voting no on Question A. Nobody likes a whiny brat.

“You want to go on a cruise?” Joy asks me months ago.

“Is this like the other times you asked me if I wanted to go on a cruise and it falls through?” I replied. The last two occasions she asked me, it didn’t happen (for me) due to situations beyond Joy’s control.

“No, not this time. This time you really get to go.”

“Hmmm. Let me think about it… No.”

“Why not?!?”

“Because I have zero interest in being on a boat for a week,” I said.

“C’mon, go. It will only be for a weekend and the whole family is going. Plus it will be cheaper if you go,” she said. Now we get to the nut of it.

“Okay, just tell me how much it is and when I need to have the money by.”

And that’s how I signed up for a cruise to the Bahamas on the Norwegian Cruise Line.  Boy, what a shitfest NCL turned out to be.

Some port in the Bahamas. Glad to get off the boat.

We arrived in Florida on Friday, June 11th and boarded the big ass ship — I think it was the Spirit, but I can’t be assed to check. After checking in, as we’re about to head to our rooms, we are stopped by someone asking us if we want the unlimited soda package. Now this was a little bit surprising since this was suppose to be an all inclusive deal (sans alcohol). Apparently, though, NCL doesn’t put sodas in their all inclusive package. Awesome.

I passed on it, at first, as my sister said in her previous cruises, juices, tea and water were included. Since I like fruit punch and lemonade, I figured I could go without Mountain Dew for a weekend. I figured wrong once I found out juices were only served at breakfast, the tea sucked and all that left me was water. So I dropped the $21 or so additional for the soda card. Yay, NCL.

Goofing around off the boat.

A major problem with the NCL cruise is there was nothing to do. On all the other cruises Joy has been on (this was her first NCL cruise), she said there was always tons of stuff to do. Shows, games, food, etc. Not here. NCL had one show a day (usually after dinner), the food was lame (nothing exotic to go with the Caribbean motif), the two nicer restaurants that were only open for dinner had the same menu as each other and the “adults only” pool somehow had kids in it more often than not (although one day I will give credit to the lifeguard dude running them out when he could). To add, NCL nickled and dimed you every chance they got. For example, when we were getting on the boat on day one, they took a picture of all of us (which I need to scan once my scanner works). I figured it was a little freebie token to take home. No sir, they wanted $20 for a copy. Really, NCL? Your charge $20 for a picture with your shitty logo all over it, and it really costs you maybe a nickle to print out? Good job. Thumbs up to you, because I bought one.

Me, pops and Coco having a cold one.

Saturday, though, Saturday was pretty bad ass. That’s when we docked at Nassua for the day and got off boat to walk around. We went to this big straw market and did some wheeling and dealing. I picked up a pretty cool Tiki mask for $15. Damn good deal because the vendor started at $40, and we ended up settling on $15. Take note, if you ever go to the straw market, never, ever take the first price. Or second or third. They are willing to deal.

Joy and I up front, Coco and Pops in the back. Classic.

Since it was hot as balls, we hit Senor Frogs for some drinks. I have to say, Senor Frogs was, hands down, the highlight of the trip, mainly because I didn’t feel like I was getting raped every time I pulled out my wallet. I paid $6 for a mixed drink at Frogs that had more liquor in it than what NCL was charging $11 on the boat. $11 at Frogs would have gotten me a yardstick sized drink. I checked NCL’s prices on the same sized drink, but they wouldn’t sell me one because theirs cost two good eyes, and I only have one.

Me, Joy and Pops outside of Senor Frogs.

Sadly, though, we couldn’t stay at Nassau and had to get back on the boat (although I was extremely tempted to just grab a hotel room and fly back from there). We got back on the boat where I went to the casino to lose more money since there was nothing else to do.

The whole gang outside of Senor Frogs.

On Sunday, we went to NCL’s private island. If you wanted a raft or inflatable device, NCL was kind enough to rent them out to you for an extra charge. I had no need for either, since we went on a boat trip around the island checking out sharks and starfish and mantarays. That was pretty badass and worth the money.

I got to hold a Starfish. Don’t be jealous.

I know it probably looks like I had a bad time and, to some degree, I did. And I blame that 100% on NCL and their shitty cruise line. The only thing that saved it being absolutely suicide inducing was my family and my sister’s friends, Shelly and Earnie. They made it bearable (and they thought it was as much suck as I did).

I have little interest in going on another cruise (although Joy said don’t judge all cruises on NCL, since there are ones out there that are actually, you know, fun). I heard Alaskan cruises are the shit, so I’m open to one of those, and I may go on one in the future since I have both friends and family that want to do it.

Me and my nephew, Coco. Really dig this one.

Joy is in the process of planning the next family vacation, this time to a resort (ALL inclusive, including liquor) in the Dominican Republic. I’m really, really down for that since if worse comes to worse I can just be steady drunk. Plus, a few of my friends show a little interest in going, too, and it will be good to have some of my friends to hang out with, too, in addition to my crazy family.

Oh, and most ironic part of this vacation? NCL sent me an email to fill out a survey on how I liked my cruise. When I clicked on the link to gleefully share my opinion, it lead to a broken page.  I hope NCL’s entire fleet sinks. Assholes.

Honestly, do people who compare Obama to Hitler really expect to be taken seriously? Really?

Bravo to Barney Frank for blasting that ignorant little girl.

I don’t care what people think about the health care plan (I am still on the fence, something absolutely needs to be done, but I’m not sold on this plan as of yet), but to compare Obama to Hitler will have you lose any sort of credibility you might have thought you had.

That has been something my sister and I have been saying ever since Lethal Weapon 2. Joy (my sister) ran with it first, and I picked it up from her because nothing quite describes a a shitty situation where your recourse leads to a pain in the ass then “They fuck you at the drive-thru!”

Back in March I got my Home Owners Association (HOA) bill for 2009. Normally it’s supposed to be ~$240 (yes, really low, but the fact that my part of the ‘neighborhood’ sees very little of that money, if any, is another rant), but there was a $36.91 late fee from the year before. Admittedly, I was late paying last year (there is no doubt about that, and I own up to it), and they taked on the late charge plus the interest accumalated on said late charge on this year’s bill. Completely understandable.

The bill was due “no later than April”, so at the annual HOA meeting (held on April 9th) I took $300 with me to see if I could go ahead and pay it off in person. I neglected to bring my bill (I ran straight from work), but I was hoping it wouldn’t be a problem, but Bob (the HOA treasurer) couldn’t take it.

“Hi Bob, I was wondering if I could pay my HOA bill tonight.”

“Do you have your bill?” Bob asked, put off.

“No, sorry, I left it at home, sorry. But I can give you $300, because I know it’s under that, and you can apply the rest to next year. Or just keep it, I really don’t care.”

“I really can’t take cash if you don’t have your bill.”

“I trust you. You can write up a receipt if you want.” I really didn’t care about the $21. I just wanted to pay it off.

“I just can’t take the cash.”

“Okay, I’ll cut a check this week, then.” I said. I kind of understood, but at the same time, what’s the big deal, but what can you do.

“Be sure you do that. Because we are going to start talking to lawyers real soon about people haven’t paid. We can put a lien on your house.”

I didn’t see why that was necessary, but the best way to describe Bob is a short-sleeve-tie-wearer. A little bit of power goes a long way with people like this. I bit my tongue and said thanks.

And, of course, it slipped my mind for a month because every time I see something shiny, I get distracted.  I eventually wrote a check on May 16th, and sent it out to them and waited for it to clear. And waited. And waited.

It hadn’t cleared by June 8th, so I shot out an email:

“I mailed a check a few weeks ago for my annual dues, but my bank does not show it has been cashed yet, and I wanted to verify that it was received. It would have been check number 3780 in the amount of $276.91. Much thanks!”

Later that night, I received a reply from Bob (the bolding is not mine):

“Your check has not been received and, therefore, has naturally not been cashed. It seems that you have had much more difficulty in getting a payment to us than most others and I’m really not sure as to why that might be!

To confirm, checks should be sent to [address of HOA]

Further, the amount now due totals $311.28, consisting of $240.00 (2009 Annual Assessment that was due no later than 04/08/09), $11.28 in Accrued Interest, and $60.00 in Accrued Collection Costs. As you also aware, $36.91 of this sum is applicable to the late payment (08/21/08) of your 2008 obligation, which was due no later than 04/06/2008. And, for your information, interest will continue to accrue at a daily rate of $0.052603.

Our recommendation is that you immediately send a payment, in good funds, in the amount of $311.28. We are in the process of referring all delinquencies to the Community’s attorney for legal collection action, including lien and possible foreclosure action, and once this action has begun, legal costs will add a substantial amount to the total now owed. If you do not trust the U S Postal System, we would recommend that you take the item, correctly addressed, to the [city] Post Office and ask that it be properly placed in our P. O. Box. Again, though, time is of the essence and if payment is not immediate, legal action will begin.”

That first line really pissed me off. Yes, I was late in 2008, I own up to that. But there is no need to be an unprofessional douche about it, especially considering I did make an attempt to pay him already.

I wrote out three replies, but never sent them, because sometimes my brain manages to stop me before doing something stupid. He’s a little man with a Napolean complex, and I know that he was begging for a reply like I was ready to write so he could use that HOA power to make my life miserable. So I didn’t reply at all (and I said “NO” to his requested read receipt. Take that, Bob!), cut another check and dropped it off at the post office the next day. A week went by and I hadn’t heard anything. So I sent out another email.

“I was wondering if you could verify if the check I dropped off at the post office last Tuesday was received. Check #1001 in the amount of $311.28.”

I got a reply later that night:

“We received the check and it was deposited on Monday, June 15. Thanks for your response.”

Well that was weird. What happened to the bolding, threats and snide remarks? It was complete night and day from the first email. Did Bob suddenly wake up and not have a power trip? Did Bob suddenly take classes on professionalism? Did Bob suddenly become a nice guy? I had so many questions running through my head, all of which were answered with an envelope that showed up in my mailbox from the HOA a few days after Bob’s email — an envelope with my first check sent and a post it note that said:

“This check arrived after we cashed your second check.”

Really, Bob? Really? My original check, the one that you “never receieved” and “naturally” was not cashed arrived after my second?

Did he honestly expect me to believe that? And it wasn’t him that fucked up?

I would hope that Bob would learn something from this, but since he can’t even man up and own to his fuck up, there’s little chance in that.

I so want to respond to but not only would it be useless (except the small satisfaction I would get from it), but I don’t want to open up a can of worms making living here hell. I think that’s what I’m most pissed about, the fact that I can’t call him on it because I oh so want to. Stupid self control.

Yeah, they most certainly fuck you at the drive-thru.

I had to go to court today to fight a parking ticket I received at the garage I park at everyday. The garage I pay a monthly fee for guaranteed parking.

Last March I parked in the permit section of the garage, but I had forgotten to swap the February mirror hanging thingy for the March one. (It was the first day of the month — a Monday — and it just completely slipped my mind.) When I got back to my vehicle, I saw the $25 ticket under my windshield wiper.

Now, this has happened to my dumbass before. I don’t blame the parking authority for ticketing my car, I can dig that it was my fault for not swapping out the mirror hanging thingy. So I planned on doing what I did before, which was mail in my March receipt, thus proving I paid, it was just a screw up. For some reason, though, I didn’t do it in a timely manner. So when the $50 notice came in the mail, I replied with the necessary copies and completely forgot about it.

Until a month later when the $100 fine showed up.

Assuming they did not receive my receipt, I gave them a call and explained that I had mailed them a copy of my receipt. I was told that “We don’t take those anymore. There’s nothing we can do. You can, however, contest it in court. And you have two days to give us the paperwork for that step.”

WTF? They can’t take proof that I paid for March? What kind of nonsense bullshit is that? I guarantee you it’s probably nothing more than a button push on their end to clear the fine. But I guess that’s too complicated for the parking authority.

To give you an idea what I was dealing with (and to make an extremely long story short), it took three faxes and numerous phone calls to two people in two days to get a court date. Keep in mind I wasn’t faxing different forms each time, either. It was one form. The same form. I had to fax it three times before they finally got it. To give you a sense of the retardation, the day after I had faxed the form twice, I called and asked if they had received the second fax. The lady I spoke to said, “Why did you fax it? We don’t take faxes here, not for court dates.”

“I faxed it because someone there told me to fax it. How do you think I got the fax number?”

“Do you have a name?” I could tell by her tone that she expected me not to have one.

“Rose.”

“…oh. That’s me.”

Unbelievable. The dumb bitch didn’t even remember talking to me the day before. Of course I didn’t call her on it. I have a big mouth, and generally have no problem being a smart ass, but she also had me be the balls, so I said nothing. That was painful.

Anywho, I went to court today for the whole thing. The judge asked my plea, which was not guilty (although, technically, I was guilty, but not really). The metermaid gave the facts of the case, and the judge asked me what my case was.

I give him a much more condensed version of what I just wrote here. Basically, I held up the folder I was carrying and said, “I have the receipts for March. I mailed them to the parking authority twice, called them numerous times and faxed info over to them three times. Each time they told me there was nothing they could do.”

The judge gave me a look of understanding. He said, “The parking authority has not proved their case. Not guilty.”

Fuck yeah. That felt pretty good. Sure, it was a just a parking ticket, but after all the idiocy I had to deal with, it was vindication.

I never felt one way or another about metermaids before today, but I think they are scum, now. Notsomuch the ones ticketing vehicles in reserved spots, or firelanes or whatever, but the ones that give out ridiculous tickets. 90% of the people I saw fighting their tickets today (I was there for three hours, an hour of which was parking violations, so there were quite a few) had legitimate beefs. One guy got a ticket for parking against the flow of traffic. Outside his house. In a neighborhood. At the end of a deadend street. Seriously, what the fuck. That is asinine, and nothing more than a powertrip.

I can see why these Napoleon complex asses are hated.