Archive for the “Rants” Category

Like the rest of America and the world last night, I watched in awe as Trump took his train all the way across the country, demolishing Clinton in the electoral vote. And while neither Trump nor Clinton were my pick, I have to admit shock and surprise as he figuratively destroyed her. Nobody expected this. I don’t think even Trump expected such an ass-handing victory for his presidency.  (Although Clinton may take some solace in that she got the popular vote.)

What is no surprise, however, is the social media fallout. Many posts of tears and anger are populating my Twitter and Facebook feeds today, and that is to be expected. There are a lot of disappointed folks out there. As well as ones that are proclaiming to be ashamed to be an American.

Here’s what I don’t get, however; why the shock?

The same people I see screaming about how unjust the world is are the ones, when Bernie Sanders was running, screaming how corrupt Hillary is. And now, just because they threw support behind her as political lemmings do she’s not a corrupt asshole working for Wall Street?


Trump is a dick. For sure. This is something anyone with a brain stem can agree about. He’s a misogynistic, racist, xenophobic, bullying asshole. There are easily more words I can put on him if I thought about it.

Clinton is a dick. Liar, cheater, war monger, possible murderer (I don’t believe all of those 117 — or whatever that ridiculous number is – are her doing, but I’m thinking there are some in there), and not-giving-a-fuck-about-anyone-but-her-rich-friends asshole. And, like, Trump, there are easily more words I can put on her if I thought about it.

One thing I’m seeing a lot of is how America choose Trump because America hates women. Have you people been asleep? People HATE her. Not because she has a vagina, but because she’s a piece of shit. Nothing has changed since Bernie dropped out of the race. I promise you, if Elizabeth Warren, or any other competent female who wasn’t a conniving, lying piece of shit, ran against Trump, they would have won.

  1. The majority of Americans didn’t vote for Trump. The majority voted for Clinton. But because we insist on using a fucked up and retarded plan since the 1800s, majority vote doesn’t mean shit.
  2. The majority of Trump voters aren’t racist xenophobes like he is. They just hate Clinton more. I know people who voted for Obama that voted for Trump.

The bottom line is, America had two pieces of shit at the forefront running for President, and the majority of Americans in key states decided they would rather have a piece of shit who hates anyone who isn’t white rather than a piece of shit who was likely going to get us in a war with Russia. There’s nothing more to it than they both suck.

The irony of all of this? There were two great people running third party: Gary Johnson (Libertarian) and Jill Stein (Green). But since this country is filled with pussies who would much rather pick a piece of shit than a qualified candidate, neither of those two had a chance.

I slept well last night. I’m not a lemming. I don’t vote for “the lesser of two evils”, instead using my choice to vote for “the best qualified candidate.”

Oh, and if you’re looking to blame someone for Trump, guys, blame the DNC. This rests squarely on its shoulders.


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This past Tuesday, three Blu-rays came out that I had to have; fortunately their MSRP was set at a very reasonable price. So reasonable, in fact, that FYE of all places had them going for $9.99 a piece…cheaper than Amazon, even!

Word on the interwebs was that FYE busted street date on at least on of these films, so on Sunday I drove to the closest one to see what’s what. While they didn’t have the the one I had read about (I’ll get to it, dammit!), they did have another of the three: Cat’s Eye. I immediately purchased it, along with Twilight Zone: The Movie (which was a goddamn STEAL at $5. This damn thing is going for $40 for some ungodly reason.).

I wasn’t upset I struck out on the other two, it was Sunday after all.

On Tuesday night, I headed back to FYE after work to get the remaining Blu-rays. Unfortunately, they only had one, Stephen King’s IT. They had already sold out of the copy of Salem’s Lot. The. Copy. Let’s see, a classic TV mini-series based on a Stephen King novel hits Blu-ray for the first time a month before Hallofuckingween, and you get…one copy. WAY TO PLAN AHEAD, JERKS.

That’s okay, I didn’t sweat it too much. There are other FYEs around. I would hit them up this weekend, and that’s what I did today. The first one I went to, the employee was pretty damn helpful, checking the back and a few different places on the floor because he knew it had come in, but they must have sold it. Jesus, another store that only had one copy. Okay…fine. I had one more shot. I drove up to the final FYE near me. I looked around the store, couldn’t find it, asked the employee, to which he said, “Oh, sorry, I sold my only copy yesterday.” ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME? ONE COPY? Goddammit.

As I was heading out, a stack of CDs caught my eye, with the sign shouting $10 and under!!! Normally I would have kept going because who even buys CDs still, but one caught my eye: Def Leppard’s Hysteria. For $5. Since Spotify doesn’t stream Def Leppard and Hysteria is one of my top three albums of all time, I went ahead and bought it. One, to keep in my car, because I can listen to that ANY TIME, and also to not make the entire trip a bust.

Honestly, though, I don’t understand how FYE stays in business at this point. Their prices are either rape high or losing-a-profit low, with no in between. Plus the way they organize their movies is dog shit. It’s all very haphazard. The employees are friendly, though. At least the three I went to, they seemed genuinely eager to help. But the crap selection and sky high prices are unforgivable.

I also went to Best Buy and Barnes & Noble today. That rant is coming tomorrow. Or rather today since it’s 1:30 in the morning.

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If I could go back and tell past self one thing in regards to purchasing my house, it would have been NO HOA.

Don’t get me wrong, I understand the need for an HOA, but it’s not for me. The irony of course is I’m on the board of my HOA. I figure if I can’t beat them, I might as well see what it’s all about. Plus there are some good people on my board. So if I’m stuck being in an HOA, I might as well participate in what’s going on (or, rather, help decide where my money is being spent).

One of the things our HOA did (before I was on the board) is hired an outside company, HOA Inspection Services, to take on the responsibility of finding the violations in the neighborhood. With 700+ houses, it was way too much for one person, a volunteer no less, to do all of this. So even though I wasn’t on the board when this decision was made, I do think it’s a good idea. But holy shit, what a racket HOA Inspection Services is. I have never, ever, dealt with a company so clueless in how it operates. Either clueless or brilliant, because these guys are running some sort of scam.

But rather than take my word for it, you be the judge. Here is a conversation I had with them via email. It starts with me explaining when my violations will be fixed, and a question regarding one of my violations.


Hi! Just wanted to break down the violations and plans:

1. Fading siding: I can paint that at first opportunity, but it is dependent on my duplex neighbor. As my Heat Pump just went out last week, that will cost me quite a bit but I am aware of it. At this time it’s about money I simply don’t have as I can’t afford to paint the entire duplex (which has to be done).

2. Storm Door Hardware – I plan on purchasing a storm door this summer. It will be removed/replaced then.

3. Paint front door/baseboard/shed door – Spring.

4. Paint light post – done.

5. Black residue on stoop/landing – please provide pictures of what you are talking about.




Please contact a qualified handyman or contractor on issues that need clarification as they can best identify the issues.

The final compliance date to complete all issues is May 22, 2016.

Any unresolved issues after the said date will be addressed by the HOA board who will make a final determination regarding administrative and/or legal proceedings pursuant to the association’s governing documents. Please note, you will still receive further notices as a reminder until all issues are resolved. Thanks


Sorry, no.

You said there is Black residue on the stoop/landing. I don’t see it, I need you to show what you are referring to. I will not pay for a handyman or contractor to point out something that you say is there. That makes no sense at all. Your company is the one that identified the issues, you, not a paid handyman or contractor, would in fact be the one who needs to identify it.

I look forward to your response.

Thank you,



Most contractors do free estimates. We cite things that are obvious and apparent. At this point we will let the HOA board decide how to proceed further at the conclusion of the final inspection. Thanks


Then if you can’t be bothered to explain what you are citing, I won’t be bothered to fix it.

I’ll assume that it’s no longer an issue at this point since you can’t, in fact, explain what the issue is.




Hello Stewie. Another option is if you would like to discuss this issue in detail, the owners of the inspection company has a weekly podcast that is dedicated to discussing all issues related to HOA governance, etc. You would remain anonymous and get to air out your position to the inspection company directly. It would be beneficial to others who have been similarly cited.

Let us know if you would be interested. Thanks is the podcast if you would like to listen and get an idea.


No thank you. I just need to know the issue.

It’s honestly perplexing that you write up a violation and when someone has a question on it, your response is to get a contractor instead of explaining your findings. What kind of business plan makes this acceptable? You noted the problem, but it’s up to the home owner to find a third party to figure out the violations you found? Do you really think that’s best business?


Hello.  When we cite issues, we cite issue that are very evident, self-explanatory and obvious.  We also provide a knowledge base with pictures of typical items for clarification like the issue in question:

If you are still perplexed about black colored substance that is ingrained in concrete, then we suggest a qualified professional who can point it out. Otherwise again, we will let the HOA board decide if they want to pursue the issue further. Thanks


If you can’t point it out, this is a nonissue. The very fact you are telling me to hire someone to come out and find something that you say is there is piss poor customer service. No qualified professional is going to come out for free to point out something a third party claims is a violation.

What kind of business points out a violation without any sort of backing evidence? The burden of proof is on you here, and it’s completely asinine that your only response is “have someone else tell you what the problem is.”

Stop emailing me unless the next email consists of photo evidence of black colored substance on the concrete.


Hello. We understand your concern and position. Again, we will let the HOA board make the final determination. This issue will stand as cited. Thanks


I see your reading comprehension skills are as lacking as your customer service.

I’ll also be bringing the complete breakdown of what happened here up at the next board meeting. I’m completely unimpressed that your company can’t answer a simple question, instead suggesting the homeowner hire someone to point out a problem you insist is there. I’m actually surprised you didn’t recommend a contractor you know who would give me a good deal, considering how truly shady this whole thing is.

But, don’t sweat it, I have been sharing this experience with everyone I know to see if this is standard procedure to, you know, tell someone they are in violation of something, then absolutely refuse to point out said violation when questioned. Every single response has been utter disbelief on your inability to provide an answer to a question. Your company name is making the rounds! So there’s that!


So here it is in a nutshell (or TL;DR):

Here’s a violation.

I don’t see what you are talking about on this part.

Hire a handyman or contractor. They’ll tell you what the problem is.

But you are the one who said there was a problem.

Listen to our podcast.

What? Just tell me the problem.

Take it up with your HOA.

That business plan is either retarded or brilliant. I’m still on the fence. On one hand, they are…just words can’t describe the stupidity of this. On the other, they charged our HOA to basically make up violations. It could go either way.

Oh, and the stoop with all the black stuff:


If you are on an HOA and are looking for a service to something like HOA Inspection Services claims to offer, do not go with them. All you’ll get is a half ass job and a lot of angry home owners. This company sucks.

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I love travelling for my job. I have been to many, many places that I otherwise would not have been able to go if it wasn’t for my work. I’m in a fortunate position to truly love my job. I know, I know, that looks like I’m being a big brown noser, but considering so few people even know about this blog, much less those in power where I am employed, I can assure you I’m being sincere.

Plus, I happen to work for a place that does pretty goddamn well, and has office locations worldwide. The former works out pretty good because I’m always staying at a posh hotel. The latter used to be awesome, but then we did this merger thing and I no longer get to travel to Europe. But hey, there’s still the West Coast and a variety of other offices sprinkled throughout the United States.

Last night I was in DC helping out with something at The W. At first glance, I guess you can consider this hotel fancy. A welcoming and friendly hotel staff (at least at checkin), a pretty nice room with a sexy red light right inside the bedframe, an $18 room service hamburger and fries with a healthy sounding name (like farm raised organic beef or some shit) that ended up being $31 after service charges (so you know it’s good!); you know, the usual for posh places. Well, until the fucking dog started barking.

Yeah, so at about 8:oo or so, I hear this dog barking from a nearby room. I thought that was odd because, you know, a dog in a hotel. But whatever, I figured it would quiet down or its owners would shut it up. I should be so lucky. The thing barked for about an hour, so I hit the concierge button on the phone and spoke to someone. He was cool, but he couldn’t help, so he transferred me to someone else who he thought could. In this hotel, this person was called the “Whatever, Whenever” guy. For real.

His response, “We can’t do anything unless it’s happening after 12.”

“No, wait, what? I have to deal with this for another three hours?”

“Unfortunately, but I can send someone up to talk to the owners.”

What kind of bullshit is that? What kind of ghetto ass hotel allows unattended dogs to bark for hours? I don’t know, maybe it’s me, but that policy is a big pile of shit.

The dog kept barking.

At about 10:30 or so, I called back to get a room change. It was ridiculous. It was a mixture of barking and mewling and the owners CLEARLY weren’t in the room, and if they were, they can go die in a fire.

“I’m sorry sir but the hotel is at max capacity. But I can send security up and they can talk to them.”

Talk to who exactly? The assholes who left their dog in the room so they could go out drinking for hours while their pet barked incessantly? Seriously, those are some jerks right there.

That dog finally quieted down at about 11:30. The owners must have come back. The hotel didn’t do shit, and they clearly didn’t care.

So if you are ever in DC looking for a nice place to stay, The W is not that place. It is in no way, shape or form worth the $199 rate that I’m looking at right now. I’ve had better night’s sleep at a $40 Econolodge. Fuck this hotel.


Credit where credit is due, I just talked to a gentlemen named Dawaun, and he seemed to genuinely give a shit about the suck night I had. So I will say The W has a great employee in him. It’s their pet policy that is ass.

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I don’t like renters.

I mean, I was a renter once. I rented an apartment when I first moved out of my parent’s house, then after I moved out of that, I rented a duplex not far from where I bought the house I’m living in now.

But as far as in my neighborhood, I don’t like renters. I asked my HOA if they could make ti a bylaw that no home owner in the association can rent out their house, but apparently that’s against the law (which is bullshit if you ask me).

One reason I don’t like renters is they don’t care about the people that own the houses around them because why would they? They have no vested interest in the neighborhood, so why bother giving a shit about it. For example, the renters that lived directly across the street from me (that moved out this weekend, THANK FUCKING GOD) must have had eight people living in three bedroom house. And I’m pretty sure all of those fuckers had a vehicle, which of course means all the cars won’t fit in their driveway.

Now, I only have one car, and I park my car in my driveway, so that leaves a spot open in front of my house which they would often use. I freely and fully admit that it shouldn’t bother me that someone parks in a spot that I don’t use. I know, know, know I’m being completely irrational when I say it bothers me. But it does. That’s the front of my fucking house. I don’t want someone’s car there unless it’s either mine or one of my friends. But since I know it’s irrational, I didn’t say anything, it just annoyed the fuck out of me. However, what was really fucked up was the time one of their goddamn friends parked in front of my house and their goddamn car was going over into my driveway. They had to do this because my neighbor apparently didn’t leave enough room for them. Unfortunately for me they had parked and left.

Or the other renters (who are also gone, THANK GOD) three doors down who’s fucking asshole friends would park in front of my mailbox. There is literally barely enough room for a car in that spot, and when someone parks there, it completely blocks both my mailbox and my neighbor’s. You know who never parks there? HOMEOWNERS AND THEIR FRIENDS. Only asshole renters and their asshole friends do this shit.


Fortunately, the house directly across the street from me is going to be sold by the bank and not rented again, but the house three doors down, new people moved in just this week. Apparently there’s going to be at least four (two couples) and maybe kids (or maybe not). It will be hard to beat the last renters — seriously, who the fuck installs a goddamn hot tub in the house they are renting? — but I’m keeping my expectations low. That particular house doesn’t have a very good history with the people who have lived in it.

On the bright side, I may be joining my HOA next month. I was going to do it this month, and I went to the meeting with the intent on doing so, but there were some complaints from some home owners that ate into time and I had to leave earlier than expected because a friend was popping by. So hopefully after September, I’ll have some really good stories to tell about the new shit I’ll be dealing with.

I’ll sign off with a couple of Blu-ray and eBook deals below. If you can’t see them, that means you have adblock enabled. Disable it for this site and you’ll see some nice bargains every once in a while. (There are zero popups on this site, I promise.)

That eBook is written by Kristopher Ruffy, one of the many authors I got a chance to meet at the Scares That Care convention this year. Really cool guy. I picked up the physical copy of that Bigfoot book. I haven’t torn into it yet, but I like the synopsis, and right now it’s just $0.99!


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