Ooops, I did it again…

My latest CD purchase from BMG was Sixpence None The Richer’s Greatest Hits collection.

I picked it up because I dug their song “Kiss Me” and their cover of “Their She Goes.” Yeah, I know, go ahead and poke fun, it’s all good.

Anyway, I told my buddy I was listening to it.

He asked me if I bought Stryper, too.

WTF?

Yes, dear readers, I managed to pick up yet another religious album.

I think God is trying to tell me something.

I have no idea what it is yet, but He’s sneaking CDs into my collection.

Now I’m getting paranoid.

Things I Learned In France

*note, this one was obviously written on the plane.*

Right now I’m on a plane at the Charles de Gaulle Airport, waiting for take off, and already missing Paris.

Admittedly, I didn’t expect much from Paris. It’s always been one of those places “I wouldn’t mind seeing” given the opportunity, but it was never one of those “I gotta see this place before I die!” types. Well, after this past week, it should have been.

Paris is beautiful. There is really nothing more to add. I was simply blown away by the beauty Paris had to offer.

Here some other things I noticed in Paris…

1. The women are as beautiful as the city. Of all the places I’ve been, Russia used to smoke the competition. Used to. Russia, I’d like to introduce you to the number one contender. France.

2. They don’t where berets in France. As a matter of fact, the only person I saw wearing a beret was an American tourist.

3. French people are not only very nice, they will help you. Yes, contrary to the stereotype, all you have to do is show some courtesy and attempt to help yourself and the French will not snub you.

4. Even in France, French poodles suck.

5. No matter what country you are in, a person with their hand in the back pocket of their girlfriend/boyfriend looks ghey. It’s ghey squared when they each have their hand in each other’s back pocket.

6. When crossing the street, and traffic is heavy, simply walk out with your right hand in the “stop” position, gesture to you and your friends with your left hand, admonish the driver for being rude and not slowing down for you and proceed to cross. Thanks to Stephanie for that helpful lesson.

7. There are no fat people. But this is easily explained. Because of the narrow streets, small elevators and slim hallways, if you get too big, you are forced to leave the country because, sadly, there is literally no room for you. I, of course, was an exception because they knew I was only going to be there for a week. If I was going to be there longer, there was a special fat-boy visa I would have had to applied for.

8. Crepes and waffles kick much ass.

9. There are a lot of roads in Paris that don’t have lanes painted on them. I like to call those “free for alls.” There are a lot of roads in Paris that do have lanes painted on them. I like to call those “free for alls.” To add, motorcycles (which there were a lot of) can drive anywhere. Literally.

10. Riding in the cab around the Arc De Triumph scared the shit out of me. And I’m not afraid to admit it.

11. There is no such thing as French toast in France.

12. However, there are french fries.

13. No matter what Anthony says, the sun will come out.

There is still hope…

Every once in a while you meet someone that, even after a brief amount of time with them, somehow manage to either change you, change the way you think or maybe a little bit of both.

I met one of those types of people this past week in Paris, and she changed the way I’ve been thinking about my life a little.

There’s a great line in Heat that is simple, but speaks volumes. Eady (Amy Brennemen) asks McCauley (Robert De Niro) if he’s lonely. McCauley replies that he’s alone, but he’s not lonely. And that is a spot on statement for my life. I’ve been single for awhile, but I’m not lonely. I think most of that has to do with my past few relationships have either ended badly, were bad from the get go or a combination of both. I think I just got to a point where I was tired of the bullshit that relationships have offered me and I have felt no need to get into another one anytime soon. And I didn’t miss them.

But the flipside of it is I didn’t know if I’d ever be interested in being a relationship again, and that bothered me somewhat. Not enough to dwell on, mind you, but it was something that I thought about on occasion because I knew that not wanting to be in any sort of relationship was not quite normal. In a nutshell, my concern was would I ever have an interest in being in relationship again.

Stephanie (a co-worker in our Paris office), however, made me remember how cool women can be. She actually made me miss dating a little bit. And that’s a good thing because for some time I thought that I would never want to date again. Yes, my relationships have been that fucked up. There hasn’t been a woman to do that in a good while. Now, don’t get me wrong, I never hated women. God no. But getting involved with them again was/is something that I still don’t know if I’m ready for.

See, the thing is, one of my main requirements (for oh, so lack of a better word) for a woman I’d date is independence. I don’t want to take care of anyone. I want to be there for them, but I don’t want to hold their hand in life. I want to do things with them (one of the things I miss most from dating is traveling with someone), but I also like time to myself and I don’t want to hear grief for it. And here comes Stephanie telling me, among other things, all the places she’s gone (world wide, mind you). On her terms. Meaning, she did it by herself. Put simply, that fucking rocks.

I’ve been to four countries and 21 states. But none by myself. Not that I wouldn’t be up for it, it’s just something I haven’t done yet. I have much respect for someone who just picks up and moves to different countries to see what else is out there.

To get to the point, I must give Stephanie a big thanks. She gave me hope that the cool girls are still out there and my quest for the one is not a lost cause.

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Sometimes, 20 minutes feels like days. 🙂

I think I just paid 13 bucks for toothpaste…

I’m in Paris.

My plane landed about five hours ago.

I haven’t had any sleep in about 25 hours.

I dozed on the plane off and on, but that’s not sleep. That’s closing your eyes for 10 minutes at a time, only to be shaken awake by turbulance.

However, I will not complain about the plane ride. Here’s why…

I arrive at Dulles Airport at about three o’clock in the PM yesterday. The flight was slated to leave at 5:45, boarding at 5:00. Fortunately, I got there early enough to get an aisle seat. But I still had to wait in line for about half an hour to check in. But I got an aisle seat. So it was all good.

Another 20 minute wait in the security line, and I was on my way. To add to that, I didn’t get randomly pulled out of line for a spot check. Yay for me, I’m well ahead of the game.

So, time goes by and eventually the plane boards. I’m walking behind an elderly woman on the plane, who is struggling to find her seat. She turned to me and asked if I could help her. Normally, I would just point out the stewardess and be on my way, but since the lady was holding me up, it would just go quicker if I helped her myself. So I checked her ticket to see what seat she was in, all the while praying to God she didn’t pass it already. Those plane aisles are narrow enough as it is, and being barely able to walk wasn’t going to bode well for her if she had to go back the other way.

Back to it…

So I checked her ticket. And then I checked mine. They were the same seat.

Fuck. Fuck. Fuckity fuck fuck fuck.

1. I like older woman. MILFs give me teh hot. But she was not a MILF. So she definitely wasn’t sitting on my lap.

2. I was going to lose my aisle seat. As much as a dick I like to be, there would be no way I’d make this woman sit in between people.

I grabbed the closest stewardess and informed her of the situation. She looked at the tickets and said, “I’ll take care of this.”

I said, “And by taking care of it, you mean that I will still get an aisle seat, right?”

“I’ll do my best.”

Oh, I was already getting hot. But, the suck thing is, you can’t get hot in that situation, or your ass is getting arrested. They just don’t f around with airline safety, anymore.

The lady disappears for a couple minutes and comes back with new tickets. “Miss So-and-so,” she said, “you’re in 37C. Mr. Redrum, you are now in business class.”

Oh dayum.

BC in the hizzy.

I don’t feel like explaining the difference between business class and economy class right now because then I would have to go into why business class rocks on an eight hour flight.

But for those that know, you know.

Yeah, I’m tired as hell, but things are going pretty sweet thus far.

Except I think I just paid 13 bucks for a tube of toothpaste today.