Archive for December, 2007

Dear Lesley,

I noticed in the comments of my last post you wrote, “However, I must warn you that your day will get a LOT worse later when the Giants kick the Skins’ ASS!!! w00t!!!!!!!”

Well, madame, in case you missed the game last night, the final score was Redskins 22, Giants 10.  While I don’t think it will happen, I pray that the Cowboys and the Vikings deliver the same ass kicking the Giants did in the next coming weeks.

Going through today’s news, I found a picture I’d like to share with you:

Bye Bye!

I just think it’s precious how Craig Dahl is thoughtful enough to give Clinton Portis a friendly wave “bye bye,” as Portis rudely blows by him without giving a wave of his own.

That, Lesley, is true sportsmanship and I apologize that the Skins were too busy picking apart the Giants to show the same.

Have a blessed day.

-Stewie

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Dear Baltimore Ravens fans,

Brian Bellick, offensive genius.

Thanks for making my day.

Sincerely,

Stewie Redrum, Esq.

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I was at Midas yesterday getting my oil changed, when the following conversation took place between Joe (the guy that works the counter) and a customer.

"It’s not ready yet?  I thought it was almost ready," the customer said.  A smite irritated.

"It’s almost ready, sir, but what they are doing to it, while easy, takes a little bit of time.  They are straightening steel," Joe replied.  I like Joe a lot.  I’ve seen him handle irate customers.  He never raises his voice, he does what he can to please them, but he won’t be pushed around.  Usually, the more pissed a customer becomes, the more bored Joe becomes.

"Well when I called, they told me it would only take a half hour, and I wouldn’t need an appointment."

"Generally, sir, we don’t take appointments on Saturdays.  They shouldn’t have told you a half hour, I apologize for that."

"It just doesn’t make any sense.  I called.  I called and they told me it wouldn’t take long," the customer continued.

As he was going back with Joe, his car was pulled around front.

"Your car’s ready," said Joe.  Emotionless.

"I still can’t believe it," the customer said, heading toward the front door.

"If you’d like," said Joe, "I can make an appointment for you this week."

"I’ll just take my business elsewhere!!" The customer exclaimed as he walked out the front door, no doubt heading to the golf course to tell all of his buddies how he told off Midas as he walked out the door!

Oh oh.

Now wouldn’t you know it, he left his laptop case on the chair.  I saw it before he noticed it was gone.  I looked at it and looked at him walking to his car, debating whether or not to call him back.  I had already decided on "no", because the guy was acting like a typical customer ass, when he realized he had left it behind.  Damn.

Don’t you hate it when you think you got the last word, but then had to go back and face the people you had the last word to because you forgot something?  If you were with me yesterday, you would have seen what you looked like re-entering that door you slammed in anger not one minute before.  We can call it sheepish rage.

So Ivan I’mNotShoppingHereAgain comes back in the shop, zeros in on his case, grabs it and starts heading out the door.  Joe waits until the dude is halfway out the door and calls out to him.

"Sir, you’re going to need your keys."

The guy’s shoulders visibly slumped.  "I thought they were in the car."

"No sir.  I have them right here."

The customer walked back to the counter, grabbed the keys and left the shop.  The exit wasn’t so dramatic this time.

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Eight Random Facts

(1) Each player starts with eight random facts/habits about themselves.
(2) People who are tagged need to write a post on their own blog (about their eight things) and post these rules.
(3) At the end of your blog, you need to choose eight people to get tagged and list their names.
(4) Don’t forget to leave them a comment telling them they’re tagged, and to read your blog.

1. I don’t like fancy pants restaurants.  I’ve eaten at quite a few of them in my travels, and there has not been one that has lived up to its fancy pantsness.  I’d much rather eat at a local diner than a $100 plate restaurant because, nine times out of ten, that diner is going to be more satisfying.  I like simple things.

2. I have a problem with men who cry while watching a chick flick.  And then brag about it like their sensitivity is some sort of badge of honor.  Ladies, do you really want a man who cries over "Steel Magnolias"?  Really?

3. Unlike Sue, I can’t sleep with my closet door open.

4. When I got my root canal, they took a cast of my teeth.  I still have it and look at it on occasion.  I can’t tell you why.

5. I’ve been thanked in a novel, in the same novel a character was named after me, I have quotes on five DVD box covers — one of which I share the back cover with Stephen King, and I’m now listed on IMDB.  These past two years have been very, very good.

6. Of all the vacations I’ve been on, Russia is my favorite, handsdown.  I think it was the fact that I did nothing but eat great food, oogle beautiful women and drink fantastic vodka for ten days.  

7. This past year was the first I lived totally on my own (sans girlfriend or roomie).  I don’t think I’ve ever been happier.

8. My coworkers claim I’m going through a midlife crisis because I haven shaved in about two months.  They are wrong and I hate them.

I don’t have that many blog friends, and since our blog friendships are one big incestuous relationship, I’m actually surprised I have people I can still tag.  So, without further ado, here they are:  Hot, Fnord, Ace, Mitch, Aric and Red.  I’m fairly certain Freak and Lesley were already tagged.  If not, you two, also.

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