Yeah. No updates lately. It’s summer. Sometimes I pretend to have a life.
Back in 1989 or 1990, my buddy had a party. I distinctly remember this party because I know I was still in school and I know I was a senior.
I remember this party because I got so drunk that I went to the bathroom, well, to use the bathroom and it turned into something somewhat memorable.
I pulled my pants down and almost started my business, when the urge to throwup hit me. So I got knelt to pray before the porcelan god, when I realized how cool the tile was on my knees.
Oh, did I say I pulled my pants down? When I said I pulled them down, I meant I took them completely off.
So there I was, with the coolness of the tile beckoning. And every damn one of you know how cool and comforting tile is when you are drunk. Suddenly, I felt like laying down for a little bit. So I did.
Yep. What started out as a simple trip to the bathroom turned into me getting naked–halfway, at least–and taking a nap.
Thankfully, it was a party. And, thankfully, my friends were there for me. Yeah, those “thankfullys” are sarcastic.
I vaguely remember someone opening the door and yelling out “There’s a naked guy in here!” Then the door closing. Then opening. Then some questioning about who had a camera. Then closing. Opening. Closing. Opening. Giggling. Closing.
I don’t know when I left the bathroom. Or when I put my pants back on. I just know I woke up the next day on my buddy’s couch, feeling like ass, but at least wearing clothes. I also remember everyone who crashed there looking at my strangely, and smiling, like there was a secret. Which, of course, there was.
The following Monday, I found out the secret.
People who weren’t at the party were coming up to me and laughing. Asking me about my pants and why I didn’t lock the door.
Yeah. Apparently someone found a camera.
You know, looking back, I don’t even think I was mad at my friends. I probably would have been mad at them if they didn’t take a picture.
There are things you expect from your friends. And taking pictures of your dumb ass when you are passed out naked in the bathroom is one of them.