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For those of you with ribbons on your vehicle, take them off.

Please.

No one cares.

I was driving down the road today and every other car had one of those damn ribbons on the back.

Pink ribbons, yellow ribbons, black ribbons, ribbons with paw prints, red ribbons, white ribbons, blue ribbons, red, white and blue ribbons.

For fuck’s sake.

Not only do people not know what half of them mean anymore, but no one cares that you have a ribbon on your car. Of course you support the troops/battle for breast cancer/America/whatever today’s fucking cause is. If you didn’t, you’re a moron. I don’t have any ribbons on my car, does that mean I support common sense causes less? Doubtful (except for that animal one. I’m all for the slaughtering of cats if it leads to a better, tastier chocolate bar).

The point is, once again, a fad has been run into the ground and has become pointless. Like the baby-on-board signs of the late 80s, they’ve been played out.

If you want show your support for the troops, do what my roommate does, mail them books or phonecards or whatever. I’m sure they’ll dig that a helluva lot more than you toting around in your Volvo with 27 ribbons on the back.

  • My mama sends in most of the phone cards – I do the books and notebooks and stuff, but it’s never enough. Those guys are putting their lives on the line so we can put those stupid ribbons on our cars. Take the money for the ribbons and send them stuff THEY can USE.

  • Or better yet, use your heads next time and vote for the right person.

  • Ah, but these ineffective, useless ribbons should not be confused with the rubberized wrist-bands that also promote worthy causes with vigor and attitude.

    My friend single-handedly eliminated poverty with her white “ONE” band. As long as you’re willing to excuse a margin of error somewhere along the lines of 24,000 starvations per day.

  • I have a blue Fantastic Four rubberized wrist band. What am I saving??

  • You’re searching for a cure for the Thing’s raging herpes.

  • These replies made me giggle like a school girl.

  • Hamburglar

    I feel bad for giving The Thing the raging herpes now…

  • I’m selling a ribbon that stands for defiance against other ribbons.

  • I’ll sell a magnet-picker-offer that allows you to stick a pole out of the window while driving to remove those magnets from other people’s cars.

    We can pool and split the profits.

  • A .45 will take most magnets off, and it’s more entertaining than the pole idea.

  • Hee hee..Stew, you blogged about something that I have been thinking about lately too. These Expedition-driving soccer moms who have NOTHING better to do than excessively waste finite fuels while driving around to show off their MAGNET collection.

    Get real.

    I am with those of you who SEND our troops stuff. They NEED certain things over there and they appreciate it a LOT more than you displaying some colorful magnet or ribbon–not that they DON’T appreciate THAT too…they just like the tangibles MORE.

    My friend, an Army Ranger Lt. says: “Send more SKOAL and MAXIM.”

    There you go…straight from the front lines. ;p

  • SLAUGHTERING OF CATS!!! Oh my God Stewie, and here I thought you were ok…

    Well, with my extensive one month training on an inpatient psych unit, I have no reservations in suggesting that you seek extensive electro-shock therapy to cure you of this psychosis.

  • Mero, I’ll send my cats over to your house for a year or so.

    You’ll be all for the slaughtering of cats, too.

  • And I said only for a good cause. Like tasty chocolate.

    Gotta give a guy some credit.

  • Already, a black ribbon on Google for Hurricane Katrina. Looks like there’s no sign of ribbonism letting up.

  • Unbelievable.

  • Somebody design an ASCII ribbon that we can all put on our pages to display our digital support. That would be useful. Then, when all the people in New Orleans surf Blogger, they can see we love them.