This blog was originally going to be about the time I was accused of touching someone inappropriately on the school bus when I was in high school.

But then I realized that there needed to be a back story to the fuckwad Vice Principle who accused me of doing said touching.

So that’s what this blog is going to be about. Said fuckwad.

I’ve always had a smart mouth.

Back when I was in school, my mouth was always getting me in trouble with both teachers and students alike. I was either getting my ass kicked for smarting off to someone I shouldn’t have, or in the office for smarting off to a teacher. And because of the latter, the Principle was quite familiar with me.

In 7th grade (which is middle school down my way), I had an English teacher named Mr. Stup. This guy was a cocksucker. I can’t tell you all the reasons I didn’t like him as it’s been over 20 years, but I distinctly remember not only did I not like him in middle school, I didn’t like him in high school, either, when he was the Vice Principle (but, like I said, that’s part of a future story).

Anyway, if I remember correctly, Stup was a Star Trek fan. And after recently reading The Trouble With Tribbles, he told us we would be lucky to watch the Star Trek version of it later on that week.

Yay.

I hate Star Trek. Always have (no offense Mero, I know there are fans, but I am not one of them).

So the day came, the TV was rolled in, the lights were dimmed and the Enterprise was launched.

And I broke out a book and started reading during the show—which, ironically enough, was a Dr. Who book. I have no idea why I remember that.

I was pretty into the book when I gradually noticed someone standing by my desk. It was Stup.

“What do you think you are doing?” He asked. He sounded a little pissed.

I looked at the book, looked back at him and said, “Reading.”

“Why aren’t you watching the movie?”

“Because Star Trek sucks.”

Oh my. His face twisted and contorted. I believe I struck a nerve.

“Well,” he said, apparently barely containing his anger, “you can just read that out in the hallway.”

“Fine with me,” I said. “More light out there anyway.” And I gathered up my shit.

“Leave your books and get out.”

By my books, I guess he meant my school books because he didn’t say anything when I took my Dr. Who vs. The Loch Ness Monster with me and left.

The shitter about sitting in the hall is the Principal always wandered it, on the look out for kids who got kicked out of class. Like me. And sure as shit, he showed up not 10 minutes after my exiting the class.

“Stewie! What a surprise! And how is it that you are sitting out here today?” He asked. He was always happy. I liked him.

“I got kicked out of class.” I told him.

“Why?”

“For reading.”

“Why were you kicked out of class for reading?”

“Because they are watching a stupid Star Trek show and I was reading and Mr. Stup asked me why I wasn’t watching Star Trek and I told him because Star Trek sucks and he told me to get out of his class.”

The principal smiled.

“Well,” he said, “I don’t really know if you did anything wrong. I think I’m just going to pretend I didn’t see you out here today.”

“Thanks, Mr. Leonard.”

And he walked off.

Stup got me after the movie was over. I can’t remember if he said anything to me about reading or not. Like I gave a shit.

Think about it: An English teacher kicks me out of class for reading a book instead of watching TV.

What an assclown.

  • Yup.

    That would be an assclown all right.

    I was never a trekkie, but I did get interested in ‘the next generation’… for a while. Then I saw a rerun recently and realized it’s just as cheesy as the original.

    hehehee

    norman

  • We’ve counted how many times our math teacher says “mmmmkay?” with a painful Southern drawl and a bitchy voice. We came up with 86 times, in a 55 minute period. She’s an asshat, not an assclown, mind you.

    And I just posted, as per the request.

  • Man, you go to some long lengths to try to distance yourself from the Kirk/Spock homo fiction you buy, don’t you?

    Whatever you say, Stewie! 🙂

  • I’ve had some surprisingly similar experiences.

    Like the time in fourth grade, when we had these little bins underneath our desks for holding stuff. I was trying to read the big illustrated version of The Hobbit, inside the bin during class, because the rest of the class was reading some Gary Paulson juvenile literature crap. Anyway, because the opening of the bin was only about five inches wide, I couldn’t see the text at the top of the page, and I would have to stick my face into the opening to figure out what they said. Needless to say, the teacher caught on pretty quick.

    I’ve also gotten in trouble for reading too fast. We used to have to read the entire freaking book aloud in class, which, you realize, takes an incredibly long time as other kids stumble over words like “because” and take five minutes to puzzle them out. I would ignore the person reading aloud, read twenty pages ahead, and then get in trouble because I didn’t know where we were when it was my time to read.

  • I don’t know what is funnier, the fact that your English teacher made you watch Star Trek or that you read a Dr. Who book.

    Aric, he buys the homo-erotic fan fiction for me.

  • >>Aric, he buys the homo-erotic fan fiction for me.

    That’s what you think. He only gives it to you after he’s done “using” it.

    Yuck.

    And holy shit, some of these word verifications are out of control. I think I gotta put zxyyabcgydhcgydcmchfydjs on this one to get it to post.

  • Cool, I got mentioned in your blog!

    The Trouble with Tribbles is a great episode. That said, your assclown of a teacher had to go ruin the name of Trek by forcing it on you. Idiot.

    Your principal sounded cool, at least.

    And I used to get in trouble for reading in school too. Because I would either finish my work early so I could get back to my book, or because I would read my book instead of listening to the teacher.

    They used to confiscate my books. Then they would burn them. Wait…well, they did take them away.

  • Ace

    The guy who wrote “Trouble with Tribbles” also wrote (and is still writing) the awesome War Against the Chtorr books, so I give him a pass on the Trek crap.

    And what’s up with this word verification?

  • conu and mero, i always got in trouble for reading at inapproriate times.

    renaldo, aric just doesn’t understand. i think he’s fighting his true feelings.

    ace, it is so i don’t get spam.

  • Where’d you get the code for the verification and where does it go? I got hit with 5 spam comments in the last two days, and I’m getting sick of deleting them…

  • I had a teacher in high school who used to yell at me all the time for smoking in the bathroom.

  • I got suspended for having Listerine.

    In all fairness, I was drinking it… and I had Vodka in a thermos.