On occasion, I am fortunate enough to get a Nigerian looking for money.

When I am patient, I can make them say some pretty stupid things.

The other night, though, I had no patience.

I have not made any spelling corrections as that would be too much work.

For the record, and contrary to what Fnordboy says, I am not an aryan. I just play one on Yahoo.

And, fuck, this thing is long. I may edit it later. Or I may just forget about it.

[22:30] bakkiy_luv_care: hello are u there?

[22:31] Alien_Redrum1947: NEED A PIC BEFORE I CAN TALK TO YOU.
[22:31] Alien_Redrum1947: BLOND HAIR BLUE EYE ONLY
[22:31] Alien_Redrum1947: SIG HEIL

[22:31] bakkiy_luv_care: okay
[22:31] bakkiy_luv_care: so what ur name?

[22:31] Alien_Redrum1947: NEED A PIC
[22:31] Alien_Redrum1947: NEED A PIC
[22:32] Alien_Redrum1947: YOU BETTER BE VANILLA

[22:32] bakkiy_luv_care: are u m or f?
[22:32] bakkiy_luv_care: where are u from ?
[22:32] bakkiy_luv_care: im comeig i let you see me pic

[22:32] Alien_Redrum1947: I AM A SUPERMAN

[22:32] bakkiy_luv_care: ok
[22:32] bakkiy_luv_care: ok
[22:33] bakkiy_luv_care: nice to have u here
[22:33] bakkiy_luv_care: so what ur name?

[22:33] Alien_Redrum1947: I NEED A PIC
[22:33] Alien_Redrum1947: I NEED TO KEEP THE BLOOD CLEAN
[22:33] Alien_Redrum1947: I CAN’T TAINT THE BLOOD
[22:33] Alien_Redrum1947: CAN’T TALK TO YOU UNLESS YOU ARE A SUPERWOMAN

[22:33] bakkiy_luv_care: yse i ima
[22:33] bakkiy_luv_care: okay
[22:33] bakkiy_luv_care: soon u will see me pic
[22:34] bakkiy_luv_care: aoky

[22:34] Alien_Redrum1947: brb
[22:34] bakkiy_luv_care: babe what state are u there?

[22:34] Alien_Redrum1947: gonna go burn a cross in shiki’s yard
[22:34] Alien_Redrum1947: he’s tainting the blood

[22:34] bakkiy_luv_care: really
[22:35] bakkiy_luv_care: whta about me herte babe i mnost tell you that im here be/cos og u okay
[22:36] bakkiy_luv_care: im here bacos u of u here okay

[22:37] Alien_Redrum1947: i’m here
[22:37] Alien_Redrum1947: let’s get down to it
[22:37] Alien_Redrum1947: you want money
[22:37] Alien_Redrum1947: i want cyber sex
[22:37] Alien_Redrum1947: talk dirty to me
[22:37] Alien_Redrum1947: bonus points if you can spell correctly

[22:38] bakkiy_luv_care: lkove why are u saying this im just here to know 4 the frist time okas

[22:38] Alien_Redrum1947: you want to have cyber sex?
[22:38] Alien_Redrum1947: wait
[22:38] Alien_Redrum1947: ARE YOU 18 OR OLDER?

[22:39] bakkiy_luv_care: im 22 here and u?

[22:39] Alien_Redrum1947: 33
[22:39] Alien_Redrum1947: i don’t need a picture
[22:39] Alien_Redrum1947: i’m going to pretend you are bea arthur
[22:39] Alien_Redrum1947: let’s have cyber sex now

[22:40] bakkiy_luv_care: ooy oy is that why u are here with me?

[22:40] Alien_Redrum1947: yes
[22:40] Alien_Redrum1947: i want teh sex
[22:40] Alien_Redrum1947: talk dirty to me, baby

[22:40] bakkiy_luv_care: babe in de frist plice where are u from ?
[22:40] bakkiy_luv_care: and what is ur name?

[22:40] Alien_Redrum1947: i’m from USA
[22:40] Alien_Redrum1947: where we cyber on first meeting

[22:40] bakkiy_luv_care: ok

[22:40] Alien_Redrum1947: my name is Tom

[22:40] bakkiy_luv_care: what sate are u dare

[22:40] Alien_Redrum1947: New Jersey
[22:40] Alien_Redrum1947: enough with this small talk!

[22:41] bakkiy_luv_care: Tom u hvae a nice name there

[22:41] Alien_Redrum1947: i take off your shirt
[22:41] Alien_Redrum1947: hmmmmm
[22:41] Alien_Redrum1947: your boobies sag to your knees
[22:41] Alien_Redrum1947: i like that

[22:41] bakkiy_luv_care: really

[22:41] Alien_Redrum1947: yes
[22:41] Alien_Redrum1947: will you take off my pants?

[22:41] bakkiy_luv_care: babe u havce to let me be frist okay

[22:41] Alien_Redrum1947: no baby
[22:41] Alien_Redrum1947: i have money
[22:41] Alien_Redrum1947: i’m a rich man
[22:41] Alien_Redrum1947: i need a woman

[22:41] bakkiy_luv_care: ok

[22:41] Alien_Redrum1947: but i need to know if she can please me
[22:42] Alien_Redrum1947: now take off my pants

[22:42] bakkiy_luv_care: so what do u 4 aliveing?

[22:42] Alien_Redrum1947: i don’t work. i inherited money
[22:42] Alien_Redrum1947: my parents died in the amazon

[22:42] bakkiy_luv_care: stop that babe im not here 4 that

[22:42] Alien_Redrum1947: they were wealthy

[22:42] bakkiy_luv_care: okay

[22:42] Alien_Redrum1947: can we please have sex now?
[22:42] Alien_Redrum1947: i want you
[22:43] Alien_Redrum1947: you’re saggy boobs get me teh hot
[22:43] Alien_Redrum1947: take off my pants

[22:43] bakkiy_luv_care: i need some oe that iwll be a rosupble for not one that willl take has u do okay

[22:43] Alien_Redrum1947: i don’t know what that means
[22:43] Alien_Redrum1947: i don’t speak retard. 🙁

[22:43] bakkiy_luv_care: so

[22:43] Alien_Redrum1947: so, are you taking off my pants now
[22:43] Alien_Redrum1947: ?

[22:44] bakkiy_luv_care: why are u saying all this don/t you now that my mom is here with me?

[22:44] Alien_Redrum1947: AWESOME

[22:44] bakkiy_luv_care: don;t you kanow that

[22:44] Alien_Redrum1947: A THREESOME
[22:44] Alien_Redrum1947: can she take off my pants, then?

[22:44] bakkiy_luv_care: yse with me

[22:44] Alien_Redrum1947: i’m gonna suck on your pancake nipples while your mom takes off my pants okay?
[22:45] Alien_Redrum1947: has your mom taken off my pants yet?

[22:45] bakkiy_luv_care: well do u hvae cam?

[22:45] Alien_Redrum1947: my fat cock is bulging because i’m so hard

[22:45] bakkiy_luv_care: can i seee u on ur cam?

[22:45] Alien_Redrum1947: but they are trapped in my pants

[22:45] bakkiy_luv_care: nopw

[22:45] Alien_Redrum1947: do you have one?

[22:45] bakkiy_luv_care: now

[22:45] Alien_Redrum1947: you show me your cam.
[22:45] Alien_Redrum1947: you first
[22:46] Alien_Redrum1947: c’mon baby
[22:46] Alien_Redrum1947: i have another person waiting for cbyer
[22:46] Alien_Redrum1947: but you are first
[22:46] Alien_Redrum1947: so you want to do this with me and your mom or what.

[22:46] bakkiy_luv_care: ok

[22:46] Alien_Redrum1947: awesome

[22:46] bakkiy_luv_care: so u hvae to let me be okay

[22:46] Alien_Redrum1947: and i’ll send you some money
[22:46] Alien_Redrum1947: you want some money?
[22:46] Alien_Redrum1947: i have lots

[22:47] bakkiy_luv_care: so u wanna send me money
[22:47] bakkiy_luv_care: ?

[22:47] Alien_Redrum1947: yes
[22:47] Alien_Redrum1947: but i need to know if you are good at teh sex first
[22:47] Alien_Redrum1947: that’s how we do it in the states

[22:47] bakkiy_luv_care: how much are u goanna send to me here?

[22:47] Alien_Redrum1947: how much you need, baby
[22:47] Alien_Redrum1947: plus it depends on how good you and your mom are
[22:47] Alien_Redrum1947: i’ll send you both money

[22:48] bakkiy_luv_care: u just tell me how much u are going send to me here

[22:48] Alien_Redrum1947: how’s 50K to start?

[22:48] bakkiy_luv_care: cos if u do that i ill like to come over to meeet you there this week

[22:48] Alien_Redrum1947: really?
[22:48] Alien_Redrum1947: but we have to have the cyber now, though

[22:48] bakkiy_luv_care: yes

[22:48] Alien_Redrum1947: i need to know what i’m getting, first

[22:49] bakkiy_luv_care: that is what i want you to do if u really wanna hvae everything doing with me okay

[22:49] Alien_Redrum1947: OKAY
[22:49] Alien_Redrum1947: OKAY
[22:49] Alien_Redrum1947: hurry up.
[22:49] Alien_Redrum1947: my cock is still hard
[22:49] Alien_Redrum1947: how old is your mom?

[22:49] bakkiy_luv_care: because if im there with u i will do all u want to you opkay

[22:49] Alien_Redrum1947: YES!
[22:49] Alien_Redrum1947: what about your mom

[22:49] bakkiy_luv_care: cos i will not want you to hvae anyotherr woman

[22:49] Alien_Redrum1947: will she do what i want, too?

[22:50] bakkiy_luv_care: like what plz?

[22:50] Alien_Redrum1947: like sex
[22:50] Alien_Redrum1947: i want sex
[22:50] Alien_Redrum1947: i want it now

[22:50] bakkiy_luv_care: u mean my mom?

[22:50] Alien_Redrum1947: BOTH OF YOU
[22:50] Alien_Redrum1947: if you don’t have sex with me now, though, i’m gonna leave and give the money to someone else

[22:50] bakkiy_luv_care: how she do mthat why u hvae me alredy/?

[22:51] Alien_Redrum1947: because you aren’t experienced like your mom is
[22:51] Alien_Redrum1947: let’s fuck
[22:51] Alien_Redrum1947: c’mon
[22:51] Alien_Redrum1947: will you be bea arthur?

[22:51] bakkiy_luv_care: babe dont u klnow that u are insout my momhere cos im talking to you and u are make that statement to my mom why

[22:52] Alien_Redrum1947: because i like your mom
[22:52] Alien_Redrum1947: i want her, too
[22:52] Alien_Redrum1947: tell your mom to leave the room
[22:52] Alien_Redrum1947: we need to have sex
[22:52] Alien_Redrum1947: because i’m leaving otherwise
[22:52] Alien_Redrum1947: i don’t have time for games

[22:52] bakkiy_luv_care: well if u dont want me you can go instate that satte ment to my mom

[22:52] Alien_Redrum1947: PUT HER ON
[22:52] Alien_Redrum1947: I’LL TELL HER

[22:53] bakkiy_luv_care: that why i told u if u really want me send de ,money so that ican come ovewr to you soon

[22:53] Alien_Redrum1947: is your mom there
[22:53] Alien_Redrum1947: YES OR NO

[22:53] bakkiy_luv_care: so that we bprth can betother
[22:53] bakkiy_luv_care: has one okay
[22:53] bakkiy_luv_care: that is what i want from you now

[22:53] Alien_Redrum1947: i’m not going to be with someone who won’t have sex with me
[22:53] Alien_Redrum1947: I WANT SEX NOW

[22:54] bakkiy_luv_care: ok

[22:54] Alien_Redrum1947: MONEY AFTER SEX
[22:54] Alien_Redrum1947: i can get the money out tonight

[22:54] bakkiy_luv_care: so if u wnatr do this howmuch are u give me for now?

[22:54] Alien_Redrum1947: but before money comes, i do
[22:54] Alien_Redrum1947: 50K
[22:54] Alien_Redrum1947: that’s 50,000

[22:54] bakkiy_luv_care: 50,000 what?

[22:54] Alien_Redrum1947: dollars
[22:54] Alien_Redrum1947: US
[22:55] Alien_Redrum1947: dollars

[22:55] bakkiy_luv_care: really

[22:55] Alien_Redrum1947: that’s a drop of what i have
[22:55] Alien_Redrum1947: i have millions

[22:55] bakkiy_luv_care: so where didi u get that from ?

[22:55] Alien_Redrum1947: what are you wearing
[22:55] Alien_Redrum1947: MY PARENTS DIED
[22:55] Alien_Redrum1947: LETS SEX NOW

[22:55] bakkiy_luv_care: ok
[22:55] bakkiy_luv_care: send de money to me now?

[22:55] Alien_Redrum1947: NO
[22:55] Alien_Redrum1947: SEX FIRST

[22:55] bakkiy_luv_care: how are u going do that now?

[22:55] Alien_Redrum1947: i have connections
[22:55] Alien_Redrum1947: look
[22:55] Alien_Redrum1947: i’m tired

[22:56] bakkiy_luv_care: i will do that to you here okay

[22:56] Alien_Redrum1947: you going to sex or what
[22:56] Alien_Redrum1947: let’s sex now
[22:56] Alien_Redrum1947: because i’m going to sign off if you don’t
[22:56] Alien_Redrum1947: what are you wearing

[22:56] bakkiy_luv_care: just end de money and i will like make de love to you opkay

[22:56] Alien_Redrum1947: nope
[22:56] Alien_Redrum1947: last chance
[22:56] Alien_Redrum1947: are you going to suck on my wizard stick?

[22:57] bakkiy_luv_care: well if uwnat that

[22:57] Alien_Redrum1947: you put your mouth on my stick?

[22:57] bakkiy_luv_care: but just send de money for to know that u are really with money and then i will make de love to you here has long ahs u want okay

[22:57] Alien_Redrum1947: you know what
[22:57] Alien_Redrum1947: put your mom on

[22:58] bakkiy_luv_care: what dare?

[22:58] Alien_Redrum1947: ‘i want to talk to your mom
[22:58] Alien_Redrum1947: I WANT TO TALK TO YOUR MOM

[22:58] bakkiy_luv_care: know
[22:58] bakkiy_luv_care: npo no non nonon

[22:58] Alien_Redrum1947: no
[22:58] Alien_Redrum1947: you are no fun
[22:58] Alien_Redrum1947: put your mom on
[22:58] Alien_Redrum1947: i’m bringing her over
[22:58] Alien_Redrum1947: you can’t have sex
[22:58] Alien_Redrum1947: put your mom on
[22:59] Alien_Redrum1947: PUT YOUR MOM ON
[22:59] Alien_Redrum1947: I WANT TO TALK TO HER!

[22:59] bakkiy_luv_care: imm here 4 you give my mom out thsi take me are do one okay

[22:59] Alien_Redrum1947: bullshit
[22:59] Alien_Redrum1947: you won’t give me the sex
[22:59] Alien_Redrum1947: i bet your mom will

[22:59] bakkiy_luv_care: brb
[22:59] bakkiy_luv_care: but du add me to ur list?

[22:59] Alien_Redrum1947: no
[22:59] Alien_Redrum1947: not unless you give me the sex or give me your mom

[23:00] bakkiy_luv_care: look here mom cal my now so u can add me to ur list okay
[23:00] bakkiy_luv_care: now?

[23:00] Alien_Redrum1947: NO
[23:00] Alien_Redrum1947: SEX
[23:00] Alien_Redrum1947: suck on me
[23:00] Alien_Redrum1947: NOW
[23:00] Alien_Redrum1947: or you don’t get the list

[23:00] *** (Link: yahoo://0:yahoo-profile:bakkiy_luv_care)bakkiy_luv_care has added you to their contact list. You may choose to (Link: yahoo://0:yahoo-accept:bakkiy_luv_care)accept or (Link: yahoo://0:yahoo-deny:bakkiy_luv_care)deny this action. You may also (Link: yahoo://0:yahoo-add:bakkiy_luv_care)add this user to your contact list or (Link: yahoo://0:yahoo-ignore:bakkiy_luv_care)ignore this user.
[23:00] *** You have denied access to bakkiy_luv_care.

[23:01] Alien_Redrum1947: DENIED
[23:01] Alien_Redrum1947: NO SEX
[23:01] Alien_Redrum1947: NO LIST
[23:01] Alien_Redrum1947: what’s it gonna be
[23:01] Alien_Redrum1947: you have 3 minutes

[23:01] bakkiy_luv_care: brb

[23:01] Alien_Redrum1947: 3 MINUTES
[23:02] Alien_Redrum1947: 2 minutes

She came back, but I blocked her.

I’m a man of my word.

  • Whoo boy. That’s fun stuff there. I thought I was the only one with a penchant for pancake nipples and bad (very very bad) English. Was the “woman” in question from India, Africa, or Uzbekhistan(sp)? Any of those guys will message anyone and just spew the most unintelligble mung.

    I did love the usage of teh. Let’s em think you’re as flawed as they want you to be.

  • *sniff* That was beautiful, man. You had me at Bea Arthur.

    I never get random IMs. I’m almost jealous. *almost*

  • aricblue

    Wow, where do you get the time to dick around with people? I can barely make time to REALLY have sex with my woman, much less have fake sex online with men who pretend they’re women.
    🙂

  • Brik – I have no clue where she was from, but she was the worst I’ve seen in a good while.

    Lesley – Get a Yahoo account and throw up your pic. You’ll get more then you would ever want.

    Aric – Sometimes you make time for good comedy.

  • I think it’s Willow creating different accounts so she can communicate with you somehow.

    Maybe she’s got that voice activated typing program. That would explain all teh misspellings.

  • Renaldo

    im here bacos u of u here okay
    🙁

  • Renaldo

    im here bacos u of u here okay

    🙁

  • Freak – I have that effect on the women.

    Renaldo. Thanks. I mean that. 🙂

  • Miss Jodi

    ROFLMAO….

    That’s THE VERY REASON I don’t IM or chat anymore on Yahoo. (OK, I check/sign into my “GIRLfriend” IM about 3 x’s a week–but I rarely use it!!).

    Fucktards…do they really think that people are THAT gullible and/or stupid???

    Good for you for sticking by your word. :p