The stupid names for marijuana strains aren’t helping.

Unless you’ve been living in a cave with no access to the outside world, you’d know that many states are debating the legalization of marijuana. Some states, like the one I live in, have legalized it for medicinal use only, while others, like Colorado, have legalized it all out for recreational use. It’s all so stupid. There is really no reason, outside of old wive’s tales and prisons for profit, that it should be illegal at all. But any reasonable person already knows this, and I’m not here to talk about that. I want to talk about something else: the stupid strain names.

The strain names are a problem, and I’d bet hurting marijuana’s legalization on a federal level. Of course a knee jerk reaction would be, “That’s stupid. Who cares what the names are? It shouldn’t matter.” That’s the equivalent of saying the person who has ink all over their face should have no problem getting a job because it shouldn’t matter. Well, guess what? It does. It’s about perception, whether you like it or not, and when you are trying to fight to get something legalized on just a medicinal level, it doesn’t help your fucking case when you say, “But G Spot is great for neck pain!”

Do you really expect those you are fighting against to take you seriously?

Here are a sampling of names from the strains from over at Leafly (which is a phenomenal source of information on marijuana, I highly recommend them):

  • Jack the Ripper
  • AK-47
  • Chemdawg
  • Death Star
  • Great White Shark
  • Fucking Incredible
  • Matanuska Thunder Fuck
  • Alien Dawg
  • …and on and on

Look, I’m not going to deny it, if I were in my 20s, these would be fun names. But how seriously do you expect that legislator that is against legalization going to take you when you say “Matanuska Thunder Fuck” has great medicinal properties. Hey, I bet it does, but good luck having anyone against the fight take you seriously (and I don’t blame them).

Or, what about the 60-year-old patient who needs it for glaucoma or cancer or whatever. Do you honestly believe they want to go into a dispensary and order an 1/8th of “Fucking Incredible” or “G Spot”? I don’t think my dad would do that, and he’s pro-weed. Or, like my sister said, no 70-year-old wants to talk about death, so they probably aren’t running to get some “Death Star” in their system.

I know I look like an old man shaking my fist at the sky and yelling at the kids to get off the lawn. I know this. But I’m right. It’s not helping. I desperately want marijuana legalized on a federal level so the prices can come the fuck down and I don’t have to drive all over town looking for the best bargains. Until that happens, for fuck’s sake, if a new strain comes along, think of the bigger picture before naming it something that looks like it came out of a teenager’s mouth.

And, man, do I want to punch the fucker in the throat who came up with “Budtender”.

All  that ranting, but I still like this song.