I was at starbucks last night (as I am most nights after work, now) working on The Great American Novel when I saw a little emo boy come in.

I swear to God, I know I’m getting older — thus less tolerant for youth — because I wanted to punch this emo in his face so he had good reason to be sad and pathetic.

I moreso wanted to do it when I saw his fingernails were painted black.

Damn kids.

  • I hear ya. I am starting to despise the emo kids too. They make me think of that Dead Milkmen song:

    you wear all black
    and say you’re poetic
    but the truth is that
    you’re just pathetic

    There should be NaPuEmoMo — National Punch the Emo’s Month!

  • 😆 😆 😆 😆

  • aw, c’mon now gramps – have a soft spot for the next generation. I find youthful angst quite endearing.

  • Snooze, I just don’t get it. WHEN I WAS HIS AGE WE DIDN’T HAVE BLACK CLOTHES! If we wanted a black shirt, we had to dye it! 😡

  • Ace

    Wow, you’re old. When I was a kid we all wore black.

  • Stewie, I went to a preppy high school so I can only look at the emo boys and goth girls with envy. I was in pastel Lacoste (VOMIT). And Ace, easy now, I’m older than Stewie.

  • Ron


    That’s how I feel every time, too. One day, I was at Target, and these emo kids were looking at DVDs and blocking everything I was trying to look at. They kept running their fingers through their hair and sighing. So, I went over to the toy section and picked up a skateboard, and walked back there to where they were. I would have grabbed a Louisville Slugger, but that would have been premeditated.

    I said to them, “If one more of you bastards sigh once more, I’m killing the whole mother fucking lot of you.”

    One of them, the tall one, turned around to look at me, and he sighed. I smacked him across the face with the skateboard, and teeth, nose and snot went everywhere. While the others were frozen in spot by fear, I took the skateboard and did a group smack across all their faces, just like I pictured the Three Stooges might, but never got the chance to due to the fact skateboards and emo kids didn’t exist in their Titorline.

    While the 17 year old pimpled, red shirt called for police, I grabbed the few DVDs I wanted (they were on sale) and ran up to a register, hoping to blend in with the crowd.

    When the check out girl grabbed the first one to wring it up, she cringed and said, “Ewww… these are covered in teeth, hair, blood, and snot.”

    I looked at her, I looked at the DVDs, and then I let a quick flash of my teeth usher in a look of complete outrage.

    “How the fuck did that get there?!” I screamed. “I demand a 10% discount!”

    She called the manager, and they gave it to me.

    By the time the police arrived, I was half way home, gore smeared DVDs in the seat next to me, and a smug sense of self satisfaction spreading it’s way down to my toes.

    The real sad thing about Emo kids, is that they are even too pathetic to be goth.

  • 😆 😆 😆

  • Blonde

    My friend invited me to a concert where there were a bunch of scene kids. Scene is worse than emo. They’re the ones with bandanas in their backpockets, along with all of the emo features.

    Anyway, I went around “scene hunting”, that is, stealing their bandanas. And I just about decked some scene kid in front of his 12-year-old girlfriend because he was being a little dick about me taking his bandana.

    I spit on him instead and he cried.

  • Ace, you’ll be here in 4 years!

    Snooze, goth girls are HOT. I don’t mind goth at all. I just hate emo.

    Ron. Wow. I shed a small tear. Not an emo tear, mind you. A tear of happiness and joy.

    Blonde, that is why you rule. You are like Alec Baldwin in Miami Blues. You must see that to get the true meaning of what I, uh, mean.

  • We got Nemos here. That is Neo-Emos.

    they are such pussies.

    hate ’em.

    norman 😡

  • I just don’t understand when emo turned into such a pussy thing.

    Ok, it always had it’s pussy moments, I mean just by definition it will be pussified… but that’s ok. I like some pussy in my music (insert an AR Morrissey/Smiths joke here). When did Sunny Day Real Estate, Knapsack and The Promise Ring — and the “Screamo” bands like Planes Mistaken for Stars, Hot Water Music & Small Brown Bike — turn into make-up wearing, pseudo-goth, pussifery?

    I have not been able to pinpoint the moment when emo got too emo for the emo kids.

  • I think emo was a spinoff of goth. It was kids trying to be goth, but they didn’t know how to act, so they acted sad and fucked everything up.