Back in the day, my friend Mykl and I would go out. A lot. I mean a whole lot. We had it down to which bars had drink specials on which night. I kid you not, there was a span of a couple months where the only two days we would not go out were Tuesdays and Wednesdays because there were no drink specials/ladies nights/live bands/whatever.

It got to a point where we would subconsciously (okay, maybe not) see who could tell the biggest, and some time dumbest, lie to people (mostly women). And it wasn’t even to get laid, it was to do it for our amusement. If sex came because of it, well, that’s just a bonus. I think it came to this point because we were probably just tired of going out so much and seeing, and doing, the same old thing. Either way, it definitely made for more interesting evenings.

One night we we decided to leave a bar relatively early — around 10ish. Either one, or both, of us had to work early the next day or the drink special was ending. Most likely the latter. Right before we left, I decided to hit the bathroom, so Mykl said he’d meet me at the car. After I did my business, I headed for the door, and noticed Mykl talking to a couple of girls at the bar.

“Here he is now!” He said as I came up on them.

Before I could open my mouth to say hi, Mykl continued, “This is Pablo, the guy I was telling you about. He’s staying with me while they rebuild is home in Cuba — which was lost in a hurricane.”

“You’re such a sweetheart,” one of the young ladies said to Mykl. She turned to me. “Hi,” she said, “I’m Lisa and this is my friend, Sarah.”

I was about to reply when Mykl cut me off. “He doesn’t speak any English,” he said, smiling at me.

Oh, that was good. Because there was no way in hell I was not going to play along. If I didn’t play along, I wouldn’t see where it would go, and where is the fun in that?

“Hola,” I said. And I assure you, there was no hint of an accent.

The girls giggled. “Hola,” they both said. In unison.

“Yeah,” Mykl said. “His family is with my dad in Florida. I offered to show Pablo around DC and Baltimore, so my dad and I paid for his flight up here.”

“Oh you’re so sweet,” Sarah said.

“Oh no,” Modest Mykl replied. “It’s just the way I am. I figure this may be his only chance to see the States, so I figured I would just do for him what I would hope someone would do for me.” He smiled at them. He smiled at me. He was such an angel.

“He doesn’t even look Cuban,” said Sarah. Oh oh, the gig was up.

“Yeah. His mom is American. He looks like her,” Mykl immediately replied. SAVE!

“Do you speak Spanish?” Lisa asked Mykl.

“No, but my roomate, Jefe, does.” Yeah, he was referring to my friend Jeff. Who doesn’t speak Spanish. “But he’s working tonight, so I decided to take Pablo out. Drinking and having fun is universal, isn’t it ladies?”

They giggled. I stood there, silently, grinning like an idiot.

Soon enough, it was apparent the ladies weren’t leaving anytime soon, so Mykl said goodbye, I said adios and we left.

And laughed our asses off all the way home.

  • oh that’s great. I don’t know how you didn’t just crack up when you first heard your friend introduce you that way. But trust me, after years of being harassed while travelling, whatever the mother tongue, guys always know some cheesy English pick-up line like, “I like to kiss all the pretty ladies” or “Let me show you how they dance in my country” – this preceeded dude shoving his knee between my legs and grabbing my ass. Be sure to add in those stunning moves!

  • aricblue

    Don’t worry, Rosy Palms speaks all languages.

  • I can’t believe you guys pulled that off. Great fodder for a movie scene.

  • You have now made it impossible for me to trust what any man I meet says.

    I hope you’re happy.

  • You have now made it impossible for me to trust what any man I meet says.

    I hope you’re happy.

  • You mean you’ve trusted what men say in the past? Shame. Shame.

  • You guys could do a Sat Night Liev skit with that!

  • :bff: ROFLMAO That’s my boy!

  • I’m embarassed for my country that you weren’t welcomed properly. No wonder the cubans hate us.

  • Mykl

    good times, good times…. there are so many stories.. but not the faint of heart….. this one was tame ! Thanks for the great times in my life. Lets make more .. stop on by san diego soon…..

  • Mystery Man

    Let’s be honest here, “If sex came because of it, well, that’s just a bonus” refers to Mykl getting some and you turning up the volume on the tv louder so to cover the noise.

  • Mykl

    I can finally type now that i stopped laughing.. mystery man is in the know…. even the neighbor got to watch !!! don’t worry someday his prince will come !!

  • Snooze – I am not that guy. I don’t talk to girls in bars. Not that I’m afraid to, I’m afraid of being ‘that guy’.

    Aric – That’s true.

    Mitch – I can’t believe it, either.

    Freak – What Mitch said. Never, ever, trust a guy in a bar.

    CoffeeDog – Thanks!

    Mom – Yep!

    Greg – Most excellent point. 😡

    Mykl – There are soooooooo many stories that I just won’t post. Like the one we were talking about the other night. The one where we got stuck in traffic on the way to the beer tasting. 😆

    MM – Or me outside his room making Forrest Gump noises. I think he likes that. 😆

    Mykl – PrinceSS. Ass! 😡

  • Ron

    I think you meant “jig” not “gig”. A gig is something a band does, and has a hard g sound.

    For shame.

    :shake:

  • No, Ron, I meant gig.

    Mykl and I were in a band that night and we had just finished performing and I forgot to mention that part. :shake: