Back in the day, my friend Mykl and I would go out. A lot. I mean a whole lot. We had it down to which bars had drink specials on which night. I kid you not, there was a span of a couple months where the only two days we would not go out were Tuesdays and Wednesdays because there were no drink specials/ladies nights/live bands/whatever.
It got to a point where we would subconsciously (okay, maybe not) see who could tell the biggest, and some time dumbest, lie to people (mostly women). And it wasn’t even to get laid, it was to do it for our amusement. If sex came because of it, well, that’s just a bonus. I think it came to this point because we were probably just tired of going out so much and seeing, and doing, the same old thing. Either way, it definitely made for more interesting evenings.
One night we we decided to leave a bar relatively early — around 10ish. Either one, or both, of us had to work early the next day or the drink special was ending. Most likely the latter. Right before we left, I decided to hit the bathroom, so Mykl said he’d meet me at the car. After I did my business, I headed for the door, and noticed Mykl talking to a couple of girls at the bar.
“Here he is now!” He said as I came up on them.
Before I could open my mouth to say hi, Mykl continued, “This is Pablo, the guy I was telling you about. He’s staying with me while they rebuild is home in Cuba — which was lost in a hurricane.”
“You’re such a sweetheart,” one of the young ladies said to Mykl. She turned to me. “Hi,” she said, “I’m Lisa and this is my friend, Sarah.”
I was about to reply when Mykl cut me off. “He doesn’t speak any English,” he said, smiling at me.
Oh, that was good. Because there was no way in hell I was not going to play along. If I didn’t play along, I wouldn’t see where it would go, and where is the fun in that?
“Hola,” I said. And I assure you, there was no hint of an accent.
The girls giggled. “Hola,” they both said. In unison.
“Yeah,” Mykl said. “His family is with my dad in Florida. I offered to show Pablo around DC and Baltimore, so my dad and I paid for his flight up here.”
“Oh you’re so sweet,” Sarah said.
“Oh no,” Modest Mykl replied. “It’s just the way I am. I figure this may be his only chance to see the States, so I figured I would just do for him what I would hope someone would do for me.” He smiled at them. He smiled at me. He was such an angel.
“He doesn’t even look Cuban,” said Sarah. Oh oh, the gig was up.
“Yeah. His mom is American. He looks like her,” Mykl immediately replied. SAVE!
“Do you speak Spanish?” Lisa asked Mykl.
“No, but my roomate, Jefe, does.” Yeah, he was referring to my friend Jeff. Who doesn’t speak Spanish. “But he’s working tonight, so I decided to take Pablo out. Drinking and having fun is universal, isn’t it ladies?”
They giggled. I stood there, silently, grinning like an idiot.
Soon enough, it was apparent the ladies weren’t leaving anytime soon, so Mykl said goodbye, I said adios and we left.
And laughed our asses off all the way home.