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Last Saturday, as I ran up the stairs, I tripped and busted my arm on the wall corner.

It hurt like hell, but I figured the pain would go away. It didn’t.

Monday night, there was still a steady throb of pain, and there was still swelling on the arm. Feeling around the area I hit it, I felt something moving around under the skin. I didn’t think it was broken, nor fractured, but on Tuesday I made a doctor’s appointment just in case. The earliest they could get me in was on Wednesday at 1:30. I figured I had waited for a couple days anyway, so what was one more.

I arrived at the doctor’s office, filled out my forms and went into the examination room. The doctor asked me a bunch of questions (history of diseases, allergies I had, etc.) and checked out my arm. She said that what I most likely felt in my arm were blood clots, but she gave me a form to go get some x-rays, just in case.

Then she suggested a physical while I was there. I was cool with that, so she gave me a gown, told me to strip to my boxers and she’d be back in a second. I did as I was told.

When she came back, she checked my heart, had me walk on my tip-toes and heels, crab-walk and other sorts of things that I had no idea why I was doing them. After all was said and done, she sat in a chair and said, “I’m going to test you for a hernia while you are here. Take off your gown.”

I took off my gown. Then it hit me. I knew how a prostate test was done, but not a hernia test. If a hernia test was the same as a prostate test, I wasn’t sure if I was ready for it. I said, “Um, is a hernia test like a…”

“No,” she laughed. “I won’t be doing that today. Take off your boxers.”

I don’t know, once I knew that a finger wasn’t going up my ass, I had no problems stripping off those boxers. They flew off. I’m surprised they hit the floor at all and didn’t land on top of the bookcase or something.

She felt around a little, declared me hernia free and I was on my way for x-rays.

I haven’t heard back about the x-rays yet, I guess that will be tomorrow.

My co-pay was $20, and part of me is still wondering if I got my money’s worth.

  • Okay, I would so not be happy to hear that all they were feeling were ‘blood clots’. I hope you’re fine now and pain free. Too bad you didn’t get a finger up your ass. It was the highlight of my medical exam and up here in Ontario we don’t pay a thing [well, I guess it comes out in our taxes]

  • Mykl

    If you didn’t get the finger then get your money back !

  • Ace

    For $20 in Newark, you can probably get a woman to touch your balls with her mouth. But you probably don’t want her to. Get well soon, Spanky!

  • Zeus

    betl buckle, belt buckle, belt buckle… LOL
    What’s next? Broken hip, when getting out of the tub? Muhaahahhahaha

  • I think for $20, she should have taken off your boxers. Did she at least offer to play some techno while you disrobed?

  • 🙁 Are you okay, son? You know I hurt when my baby hurts.

    Also, you know and I know that you haven’t told the whole story about that exam. Your dad told me what you were really mad about.

  • I was feeling sympathetic, but then I realized that a finger up the ass is NOTHING compared to when the gyn takes a look under the hood. I’d take the finger any day.

    So I’m taking my sympathy back. And I’m not sorry. But I am glad your arm is okay. I’m not totally heartless, you know.

  • I have to disagree with the Lesley. All that gook they use for a smooth move finger up the butt is just gross and impossible to get off.

  • Ron

    ZOMG! I didn’t know you were hurting. 🙁 I would have sent a card and some get well cookies.

    I had to do a physical for my job, and got the ol’ turn the head and cough routine for the first time eva. It was oddly not erotic — even though it was a male doctor.

    Yes, you heard me. 😡

  • Snooze, I’m going to pass on the finger up the ass until I get surprised with it during the sex. Then it won’t be intentional on my part.

    Mykl, I may just do that. The doctor never did call me back with the results, afterall. I don’t think it’s broken, though. Still swollen, but going down.

    Ace, I could probably get it for 10 in Dundalk.

    Zeus, THAT WAS A YEAR AGO. 😡 😆

    Greg, I had Barry White going on in my head.

    Mom, I’m perfectly fine.

    Lesley, maybe you are going about it the wrong way. Is it impossible to lay back and enjoy the ride?

    Freak, now I am thinking about my ass all goey. THANKS! 😡

    Ron, did he have both hands on your shoulders?