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Dear Ronald McDonald,

I often visit one of your fine eating establishments that is right down the street from me for your delicious sweet tea. I have to admit, I hadn’t been to McDonald’s in many years, but once you busted out that sweet tea of yours, I’ve gone on numerous occasions. Many times for the tea alone, but sometimes I grab myself a couple of hamburgers.

Now I know you have many people working under you that their entire job is to think up ideas to make visiting one of your fine eating establishments that much better for the consumer. And I bet you money you pay them well, too. But I’ve run into a certain problem consistently at the particular McDonald’s I frequent, and I have an idea, a thought if you will, on how it can be fixed.

Do you think that maybe, just maybe, it might be a good idea to hire someone who speaks English at the McDonald’s on Whitehall Road? I notice that you are an equal opportunity employer, and really that’s fantastic. But I’m thinking hiring a person who can comprehend, and speak, the English language to take a customer’s order might be a good idea.

For example, yesterday I went and placed an order at the counter. Here’s what I ordered:

2 hamburgers, no pickles
1 large fries
2 pies, one apple, one cherry
1 large sweet tea.

Here’s what I got the first time:

2 hamburgers
2 pies
1 cup

Do you see what’s missing? Yes, my french fries. Oddly enough, the order was even repeated back to me. Albeit broken English.

After getting my fries, I filled up my cup and headed out. Driving down the road, I ate my first hamburger. Good so far. Then I ate the second. To my surprise (no, not really, that’s sarcastic), there was a pickle. No big deal, I’m not allergic, I just don’t prefer them on my hamburger. It’s just a pain in the ass trying to drive and remove condiments you specifically didn’t ask for off of your hamburger.

After eating my fries, I reached in the bag for a cherry pie. As it goes, the first pie I grabbed was an apple pie. So I placed that to the side and grabbed the remaining pie. Another apple. Terrific.

So let’s see the score; of the six things I ordered, your people screwed up on four of them. Two apple pies instead of one apple, one cherry. One hamburger of the two had pickles. Originally no fries in the bag. Hell, if I hadn’t filled up my cup with sweet tea myself, that would have probably been screwed up, too. And, yes, I’ve gotten coke before when I ordered sweet tea at that same McDonald’s. I have no idea how that happened. So we’ll make it of the five things I ordered, four were wrong.

80% of my order was wrong. Way to go.

Now I’m just throwing this out here, just a little something you might want to think about: Do you think it might be possible that the failure rate might decline if the person taking the order spoke English? The optimist in me says yes, but I could be mistaken.

Yet, I think you should take it under some consideration and give it a go. Who knows, it just might cut down on your failure rate.

Sincerely,

Stewie Redrum

Today I sent the link to this blog to Ronald. I’m hoping to get a response.

  • Snooze

    Okay that must have been beyond frustrating but… tell me more about cherry pies. Did they recently come back on the menu or could you always get them? They had them up here and stopped serving them about 25 years ago. I loved those! [runs off to nearest MacDs to check and see if they’re back on the menu]

  • Snooze, sadly I cannot tell you more.

    At one point they had strawberry pies, and I did not know if they had there or cherry. I was hoping to try at least one of them out, but I got two apple.

    DAMN YOU MCDONALDS!

  • ZOMG.

    Stop the hate, Pie Boy!

    And your math is off.

    “; of the six things I ordered, your people screwed up on four of them”

    Order:

    2 hamburgers, no pickles
    1 large fries
    2 pies, one apple, one cherry
    1 large sweet tea.

    #1. You didn’t get fries.
    #2. You got a pickle.
    #3. You didn’t get a cherry pie.

    That’s 3. THREE mistakes. NOT FOUR. 4.

    McDonalds will never take you seriously now.

    :shake:

  • I hate you Ron! 😡

    I would have edited my post, but I’m way to lazy.

    I’ll just count the time they gave me coke instead of sweet tea as a mistake on this order.

  • Stewie’s Mother

    M___er Fu__ing illegals, I’ll bet. Go to hell with PC and our pansy ass government.

  • Stewie’s Mother

    And McDonald’s can go to hell to. This is America people. Learn the language or get the hell out. I’m sick of it.

  • Mom, you aren’t helping my case, here.

  • Because McDonald’s is known for their quality service?

    How is that cherry pie, anyway? Taste so good make a grown man cry?

  • It is a sweet. cherry. pie. :yay:

  • Carrie

    At least your fries didn’t have a hair nestled in them! The last time I ate at the McDonald’s by my house there was a hair in my fries. I guess I should count myself lucky it was at the top of the pile-I hadn’t actually eaten anything yet. I’m considering a “McDonald’s only” diet so I can drop the last 15 lbs. Nothing squashes my appetite faster than thinking of that day. At what point did the health department give up on enforcing the hair net rules?!

  • first @ Carrie… you have to ask yourself first…was the hair curly? Cause that makes all the difference. 🙁

    Second, poor Stewie. I hate to burst your bubble, but all the McD’s workers here speaka da Englis…and they still frag the order. Pisses me right off. And you know WHAT they screw up in the order??? DO YOU??!! THEY ALWAYS FORGET THE FRIGGIN’ HAPPY MEAL TOY.

    How can you forget a Happy Meal toy? Cause then my kid sure as hell ain’t happy. It just ruins the total idea of the Happy Meal. A Happy Meal with no toy is a Shit Meal.

    And I used to scarf down the McD’s pies until they went to the BAKED kind. I loved me the fried ones. I can’t eat a baked McD’s pie and love it anymore. It’s ruined.

    Frickin’ McDonalds. IT’S RUINED MY LIFE!!!! :hitit:

  • Ace

    I bet you’ll get coupons. I got coupons from Burger King when I called to bitch that the BK near me, with a big sign in the window that says “open until midnight” is always closed when I get there at 11:30.

    My local McD’s, open until 1 a.m. without fail, never has everything on the menu. Maybe I should complain, except I don’t go there much anymore on account of the diet. (1 in 2 chance the shake machine is broken!)

  • Mmmmm….. cherry pies. I never knew. I think I’m going to stop for dinner tonight.

  • Technically, they put more than one pickle on a hamburger, so you actually have to multiply the error by the the idiot factor and per pickle. I mean, just one pickle, oops, but to add a second pickle gave him yet another chance to catch his original mistake. I believe you’ll find that stewie’s math is accurate there Ron. Plus, you’ve earned yourself another mark for arguing with the customer.

  • Carrie! Yes! What the hell ever happened to mandatory hair nets? Excellent question.

    norman, I gave up on happy meal prizes when they started to suck. Or I outgrew them. Probably the former.

    Ace, they sent me an email saying they “lost” my complaint. And I have to resubmit it. I better get some big macs outta this.

    Freak, just don’t go to that one on the same road as wawa.

    Greg, exactly! Go to hell, Ron! 😡

  • I think I have figured out your problem:

    YOU ARE EATING AT MCDONALDS.

    I suggest you get help.

  • Stewie’s Mother

    I don’t remember you loving McDonald’s when you were a child. 😡

  • STEWIE’S MOTHER

    HAPPY BIRTHDAY SON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    :hitit: :rimshot: :hitit: :rimshot:

  • Ron

    WTF is this sweat tea, anyways? It’s not out here, but then we’re not a bunch of precious sweet boys, we like our iced tea plain and made by Lipton. Is this some kind of a test marketing thing?

    You should switch to the .99 Hot n’ Spicy McChicken. I used to be a doublecheeseburger man, but not since I’ve gone chicken.