Ding dong, the witch is dead…

Yeah, the Pope died today.

I, for one, am happy.

I’m not really happy he suffered as long as he did–but part of me does think he brought some of that suffering on himself.

I hope that when he gets to heaven and sees God for the first time, God lays him out.

“Hello God. I’m your loyal servant and I’m ready to serve you in heaven.”

“Yeah, yeah, whatever. There’s a couple of things we need to clear up.”

“Before we do, Lord, I just have one question. I served you well for many years, so why did I suffer so at the end?”

“Yeah, funny you bring that up. That suffering part? Yeah, that was my idea. All that shit you said about the gays and women who get abortions, covering up the pedophiles, that sort of thing? Yeah, that wasn’t cool. For a man who was supposed to be all about my love, you sure as hell preached a lot of hate. Come now, let’s take a tour.”

So off they go and take the tour of heaven. After the Lord shows him all around, they get back to where they started, the pearly gates.

“Wow, God. It’s everything I expected and more! I cannot wait to get started doing Your work.”

“Oh no, my son. You already had a chance to do my work and you blew it. I just wanted to show you what you’ll be missing for the next 100 years.”

And, as the Pope is leaving the gates, Matthew Sheppard, Rock Hudson and Liberace are all there to see him off. Oh, and Mr. Brady. Mr. Brady has got to be there, too.

See you, pal. I hope you enjoyed your stay.

See? I’m not completely bad, I’m not damning him forever. I just think he needs a dose of what he preached, because he sure as hell didn’t make things easier for certain groups while he was on this earth.

I truly hope the next Pope has more love in him, and he can love everyone. And if he doesn’t, he can keep it to himself.