When we were kids, my sister and I did a lot of stupid shit. Cliché as it sounds, I’ve probably forgotten more than I remember.
I do remember the day we thought it would be cool to jump out the second story window.
My father was at work and my mother had informed us that she was going to go over the neighbor’s house for coffee (or whatever) and we were not to act up or get in any trouble. Clearly she did not realize whose kids she was talking to.
Once she left us to our own devices, for some reason or another, I thought it would be a good idea to see how cool it would be to jump off the porch. I’m quite sure Joy encouraged this stupidity. The porch was right off the kitchen door. The kitchen was on the second floor, and from what I remember it was a high second floor.
I took in my surroundings, tested the wind and jumped off the porch. Joy asked me if it hurt, and I informed her that the ground was hard and it hurt more than I thought it would. So being the creative kids we were, we decided to take the couch pillows and use them as a landing pad. After another test jump — me again — it was determined the ground was still too hard, so we got the coats out of the closet and made one big pile of cushy softness.
It was just right.
After flinging ourselves off the porch for a bit, we tired of it, so we needed something different. A change of scenery.
So we decided to jump out of the kitchen window.
We moved our pile ‘o cushions and coats to underneath the kitchen window and started throwing ourselves out. That was a lot more fun, because we could pretend one was shooting or pushing the other, out the window and to our deaths. It went like that for lord knows how long. Until the phone rang.
Joy and I looked at each other. We knew who it was. I don’t know how, but we knew exactly who was on the other end of that line. Because I’m the bigger fool of the two of us, I answered.
“What are you two doing?” It was my mother.
“Uh, nothing. Playing a game.”
“Really? What game are you playing?”
Haha. I had her fooled. “Sorry.”
“Let me tell you something, you are going to be sorry IF YOU DON’T STOP JUMPING OUT THE GODDAMN WINDOW!”
I hung up. Joy could tell by the look on my face funtime was over. We picked up our landing pad and probably did play a game of Sorry.
When my mom came home, I asked her how she knew we were jumping out the window. She said, “Because I saw you doing it, dumbass.”
When she said she was going over her friend’s for coffee, for some reason I assumed she was going over Jay’s. But instead she was over Carolyn’s.
Here’s a visual aid:
The X is where we were landing.
The dashes were my mom’s line of site.
She’s right. I was a dumbass.