I wasn’t hitting on you…

Dear Guy In Wawa That Was Giving Me The Dirty Look Tonight,

That stupid grin on my face was not me smiling at you.  Well, it was, but not in the way you think.  It was in the “laughing at you, not with you” way.  Don’t get your manhood up in a bunch, I wasn’t hitting on you.  I was trying to contain the laughter that was threatening to leave my lips.

See, it wasn’t the black trench coat.   Or the black jeans.  Or the black shirt.  While that in itself is amusing, it wasn’t the reason why I was smiling. 

And it wasn’t the mullet you were sporting — although I particularly liked the crew cut mullet.  Class AND style, there, brother.

It was the fact that you were still proudly wearing your high school ring.

Now don’t get me wrong, I do realize a lot of people wear their class rings.  And that’s cool.  But, damn, man, you are like 35.  It’s time to let go.

So when you add all of those things up, you have to expect people are going to smile.  I know you are a walking party animal, the Spuds McKenzie poster you no doubt have on your bedroom wall proves it.  But, brother, it’s not 1987 anymore as much as some of us wish it were.

But, even if it were 1987, the mullet is still not in style.  Nor is wearing the class ring two years out of high school.

Not a sermon, just a thought.

Sincerely,

Stewie Redrum, Esq.