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If you haven’t read it yet, read this post from January about my manly beard. It comes into play here, and you should read that before continuing (it busts in a new window).

A while back I joined a dating service. Admittedly, I joined it so I can look at the profiles and it was free, but I’ve gone out on a few dates because of it, too.

While I won’t be going into any dating stories, I will share a few things I learned:

When going out with a environmentalist, and the subject of how much washing dishes comes up, don’t say “I wash very little dishes, I just buy styrofoam plates and toss them when I’m done. I don’t buy the paper ones because they aren’t as sturdy.”

At a happy hour with someone that works with kids, don’t say something like, “Oh, when my nephew gets out of line, I crack him. When he whines about it, I tell him it’s legal for me to hit him because I’m his uncle and I won’t go to jail for it like his parents will.” She will not get the humor becuase this is the first time she’s met you.

When meeting someone in “real life” for the first time, don’t ask what they do when they’ve told you four times via email what they do. They might not realize you have ADD, and it takes at least ten times for it to get through your thick skull. It’s not like that you don’t care, it’s the fact you can’t… C’MON REDSKINS, STOP THEM!

I could go on.

So Joy calls the other night and asks how the dating is going. I had gone out a few times with someone, and she (Joy) was wondering what the situation was.

“Meh, we’ve decided just to hang out.”

“Do you mean she decided or you decided,” Joy asked.

“Well, she shot me an email and said going out once a month/month and a half isn’t dating, but she would still want to hang out. I completely agree with her. You can’t expect to start any type of relationship with someone when you only have had three dates in four months.”

“That’s too bad. You seemed to get along with her. What are you going to do?”

I laughed and said, “Oddly, I told her I’d still like to hang out. I have a lot of fun with her and her friends.”

This is odd, because I have a very small group of friends, and I’m wasn’t looking to add, but when someone geniunely makes me laugh and is up for doing quirky things (like Roller Derby (!)), I’d be foolish not to want to hang out with them. I have few friends, and fewer are down for the quirk.

“So what now?”

“I don’t know,” I said. “I’m not in a hurry to date, and if something comes along we’ll see. But there is a bright side.”

“What’s that?” Joy asked.

“Well, since I’m not dating, I’ve stopped shaving again. I’m growing the man beard back.”

Not missing a beat, Joy said, “At least you’ll have some sort of vagina on your face.”

Joy has such a way with words.

  • Romkashka

    Finally — something funny on your blog. It was actually very funny. And it wasn’t even your joke 😡
    Joy!!! you go girl!!!

  • It’s great that you “have a lot of fun with her and her friends.” You’re probably “just like a brother to her” and she can “talk to you about anything” as you do each other’s hair and talk about boys.

  • I joined the same site. But I only joined it for the articles…

  • Snooze

    Tell me you are kidding about the styrofoam plates…

    I love Joy’s comment

  • GO TO HELL ROMKA!

    James, bastard, no. 😡 I won’t ever be ‘that guy’ AGAIN.

    Lesley, :lol:. I hear you. I did it for the surveys.

    Snooze, :lol:, no, no I’m not. Although I have been meaning to buy those plate holders so I can roll over to paper plates.

  • aricblue

    Your blog is all about face vaginas and bloody tampons. I’m going to be sick.