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My roommate is going to a concert in Atlantic City this weekend.

She is supposed to come back Saturday afternoon and catch a movie with a bunch of us and she informed me that if she didn’t call me before the movie started, with some legitimate reason why she was going to be late, for me to call the police.

I asked what she would like me to tell the police, if I had to call them.

Her reply…

Say, “My roommate went to Atlantic City and thinks I actually care about her whereabouts. She hasn’t returned home, and said if she didn’t for some legitimate reason, she would call. She hasn’t. I’m supposed to think the worst and get someone looking for her. Really, I don’t give a shit, I’m just worried that she WILL eventually return home okay, and then sic her brother and father on me for not calling you guys. Now I’ve made the call, and my hands are clean. It’s on you. When you find her, please tell her I expect to be compensated for the money this phone call is going to cost me, plus an hour of my time at my overtime rate. Please don’t call me with any info, as I have a life and don’t want to be disturbed, unless it’s to tell me she’s dead so I can kick her cats out. Thanks.”

Yeah. I’m good with that.