a perfect example

Joy calls me at work the other day

“Hey! Can your phone get pictures? ”

“Yeah,” I replied. “My new phone can do anything.”

“Okay, loser. I’m going to send you the picture that shows on my phone every time you call.”

Then she hung up. Moments later my phone announced I had a new message. I opened it to see what picture Joy had assigned to me on her phone.

I have to admit that it beats the one I use for her.

So I just installed the WordPress application on my new android and this post is its maiden run.

I don’t know if this will motivate me to post more, but it certainly can’t hurt.

Yeah, I still have one more day of a vacation I took back in September, but I figured I’d take a quick break (as if posting one entry a month is too tedious).

I’m going on a cruise in a few months, and my sister put it all together. I’m surprised I was even invited, considering what went down a few months ago (another blog, I promise), but needless to say, I was remembered this time.

Anywho, since Joy put everything together, I needed to give her a $100 deposit. I asked if she took paypal, and she said no, which of course sucks because that meant I had to dig out my checkbook and actually write a check. I was surprised that I remembered how to write one, and pleased that I had not forgotten the “For” column on the bottom left.

Now, in case you can’t see that, it says “For being gay.” There are tons of things I would have rather written there, like “For her whorish ways” or “For that night in trailer bathroom”, but since she’ s my sister, that would have been just gross.

After I mailed it, it wasn’t long before I got a text message from Joy letting me know she received the check:

Very funny. I’ll cash that motherfucker. I don’t care.

To which I replied:

You’re lucky it wasn’t for “last night.”

And she was all:

No, you’re lucky it wasn’t for last night, or it would have been more.

…

…

I called her up and told her she won that one. I had nothing I could say to that.

Wow! Three months since my last update. No excuses at all, kids. None.

Since I’m sick at home, I figured I’d make your life miserable, too, with an update, and I might as well finish off the vacation from September.

So after the day of the dinosaurs, we had to make our way back to Albuquerque as we were flying out in two days. We left Gallup and got on the road. (One thing of note, the hotel we stayed in the night prior was next to a classic looking Route 66 motel. One day I’m going to take 66 through and through and stay in these motels.)

We had our complimentary breakfast and jumped on 40E for 100 or so miles, when I started noticing billboards for a place we just had to stop. Fortunately for me, my uncle was a big proponent for stopping at this particular establishment. My dad was ho-hum about it, and my aunt was cool as long as we didn’t stay too long. I can’t really blame her, these joints are all over the place, but this particular version of it was a must visit for me.

Yeah, I might have lost $100 at the Route 66 Casino, but it was worth every penny. Plus, I got a couple trinkets for signing up for the player’s club, which also guarantees frequent post cards asking me to come back. Totally worth it.

After about an hour or so at the slots, we piled back in the SUV and kept heading west until we arrived at our next destination: Madrid, New Mexico.

Madrid is a quaint little town about an hour northeast of Albuquerque. Populated by artists and hippies, there is a lot to see in this small town, as it seems every house on its main street is an artist’s shop. I’m not big into art, by any stretch, but Madrid had enough variety to keep me interested.

We had lunch at the Mine Shaft Tavern. I think I might have had a burger to go along with the green chili I had to try. I found their green chili to be okay, but it was no contest for the bowl I had at the Church Street Cafe. Say this, though: The Mine Shaft Tavern had one of the coolest atmosphere’s of all the restaurant’s I ate it on the trip. This is exactly type of bar you expect a cowboy to walk in, and everyone gets quiet. It probably helps that it has the longest stand-up bar in New Mexico.

Oh, and parts of the film Wild Hogs was filmed in Madrid. I hadn’t seen the movie before I went to the town, and I have seen it since. Skip the movie and visit the town.

Like I said, while artsy fartsy towns really aren’t my thing, I’m glad we stopped at Madrid. Hell, I even picked up a cool ass picture inspired by Dia de los Muertos.

We left Madrid and drove about an hour north for our final destination of the day: Santa Fe.

Santa Fe is another big art town in New Mexico. Apparently, this little town is second to New York for art sales in the U.S. (according to the trolley tour we took the next day, anyway).

The thing I liked about Santa Fe is there was more to it than just art. As an obvious tourist city, it had a little something for everyone. There were art stores next to dime stores, and architecturally, it was a pretty slick city just to wander around in.

I don’t remember much about Santa Fe at this point except for three things: The awesome deal my uncle got for us on what was basically a town house ($100 for all four of  us, and everyone got a room — except me who took the couch), the various hats my aunt and uncle were trying on at the dime store and the blowjob Indians being passed off as “art.”

Aaah, good times.

We spent one more day in Santa Fe, but that is another blog. Hopefully one that won’t take three months to get here.

As per usual, if you are just joining us, you may want to start here.

On the fifth day of our Southwest adventure, we were going to hit what I suspect is one of the biggest travel spots Arizona has to offer: The Grand Canyon. We packed our bags, jumped in the car and got on 64E to see what this big hole had to offer.

As you can see from the sign on the left, Arizona is home to GIANT DEER (in addition to the jackalope, of course). I kept my eyes peeled for these freaks of nature during my drive, but sadly these elusive beasts were nowhere to be found.

After about an hour and a half drive, and a brief stop where we picked up our pass to the park (using my dad’s VIP AARP discount, FTW!), we took a drive around the canyon.

Now, let me say, the Grand Canyon is impressive as hell, there is no doubt about it. But I can see where people are coming from when they say Sedona is the better visit. Sedona has an edge over the canyon because Sedona has color, something the canyon is missing. Sure, its sheer size is amazing, but at there is no green to be found. And its all pretty much one shade of brown. To a small degree, the painted desert has slightly more to offer. That’s not to say the Grand Canyon is overrated, but considering what I had seen the days before it, I wasn’t blown away by it. That didn’t stop me from taking a thousand pictures, though.

That picture on the right, that there is the epitome of my trip. That’s Big Les groping at my father, as my aunt Fame completely ignores. Make no mistake, she knows what he’s doing, but after years of living with him, I suspect she just finds it easier to act like everything is normal. Is there any wonder why I used to love spending summers up there as a kid?

Like I said, impressive, sure, but the canyon just doesn’t have the beauty the other places I’d been on this visit. I’m still glad I went, though. I can say I’ve been. And if I didn’t go, that lizard would have been giving some other fool the evil eye.

After we saw all we wanted to see, we hopped back into the car and headed East, back in to the general direction of Albuquerque. We were in no hurry, but that’s where the flights were leaving from in a few days, so we figured we better start going in that general direction.

On the way, my pops and I decided to take a quick jump off the highway to check out Meteor Crater. We had seen the exit on the way out West a couple days before, and we figured what the hell, let’s stop. We paid our $15 and checked out “The first proven, best-preserved meteorite crater on Earth.” That sucker was impressive, and man I’m glad I stopped.

Okay, you can’t see it, but down in that white circle in the center stands a man (not a real man, a man cut out of wood) holding a 6′ tall American flag. The pic on the right with the people kind of gives you a perspective of how huge this crater is. It’s 4,000 feet across. I think you could have like 20 football fields fit into it. It was pretty spectacular.

The last stop we made for the evening was a gift shop just off the highway that offered A FREE PIECE OF PETRIFIED WOOD! (one per car).

Free is free, and they had dinosaurs and Indians outside on their lot. Honestly, how can you resist a store that has dinosaurs AND Indians on their parking lot. You can’t.

So while the rest of my family was in the store checking out the goods and getting their FREE PETRIFIED ROCK, I, like a child, went down to check out the T-Rex and Teepee. I would have certainly regretted it if I didn’t.

Soon enough we left, and headed for parts unknown. We had two more full days left on this jaunt, and we were going to make the most of them, come hell or high water.